Jan. 31st, 2010

wlotus: (Princess)
I have successfully disassembled, cleaned, and (mostly) unstuck the '.' key on my Powerbook! This is much reason for celebration in Lotusland, as a Lotus who cannot effortlessly touch-type her entries is not the happiest of Lotuses. :-)

Last night T and I went out to celebrate a friend's birthday. C is one of the pleasant surprises of our neighborhood. He is a server at our local Uno's, and we took an immediate liking to him from the first time he served us. Since then, we specifically ask for him whenever we eat there. We've all progressed to Facebook connections, so when his 40th birthday came around, he made sure to include us on the invitation list. Last night I donned my newly-finished tam--there shall be photos later, when I've finished the matching scarf--stuffed my ancient point-and-shoot into my bag, and went with T to celebrate with him.

the birthday group
Telephone Bar & Grill


Part 1 of the celebration was held at Telephone Bar & Grill, a place made memorable by the three working telephone booths that made up the front wall of the place. The finger food, drinks, and ambience were quite nice, so you can imagine our disappointment to find out that was their last night! New management has bought and will completely redo the place, including getting rid of the telephone booths. I am hoping against hope they decide to keep the telephone booths, after all, especially since I'd love to go back with my DSLR and properly photograph them.

At 10:45 T and I walked the birthday boy to the Part 2 of the celebration: Niagara Bar. We were looking forward to dancing, but the downstairs was closed due to a private party until 12:30. We hung out with C at the bar until just after midnight, then T and I hit the road for home. The night wasn't a waste, though; we had fun hanging out talking with him and dancing to the occasional good song the young, emo-looking DJ played. (The Smiths' "Panic" was one such song.) We even met one of C's best friends, someone we really, really would like to hang out with, again. She's a fellow artist, so we made sure to exchange cards. Before I left the bar, she and I had even became Facebook connections! Speaking of which, I need to find her Etsy shoppe and link to that, too.

the birthday boy and his best friend
The Birthday Boy (right) and His Best Friend


Today there shall be staying indoors where it is warm--this frigid weather is not for me!--where there is good music, and where there is more fun with family. I hope your Sunday is enjoyable, too.
wlotus: (Deep Thoughts)
One thing that regularly freaks me out about living in the real world is the way my response to real life sometimes collides with others' expectations of How I Should Handle ThingsTM. When my life goes, "BOOM, FALL DOWN!" in ways that intersects with others' paths, it can be interesting and frustrating to find their expectations dropping on my head along with the shrapnel from my personal war zone.

It's surprising to see who doesn't understand where I'm coming from. You would think it would be the person who has never been in a similar situation, but sometimes it's the person who has been there who can be the harshest critic. "I've been through that and I was able to keep going. What's wrong with you that you can't? If I can do it, you can, too!"

Well, no, not necessarily. In spite of our circumstances being similar, I am not you. I may cope differently, need more time to recover after the wind gets knocked out of me, or perhaps even recover more quickly and thoroughly than you would. Furthermore, that is okay. None of that gives you the right to make judgments about my maturity or self-motivation; chances are your judgments are going to be dead wrong, anyway.

I'm watching that happen to someone else, and it drives me crazy on their behalf. I'm hearing both sides, and there are a lot of assumptions on both sides. The side with all of the expectations--the side with all of the power in this situation--is incredulous and has a lot of assumptions about the other person's supposed lack of self-motivation, based on what the person is and is not doing in this situation. The other person is a little more willing to consider the expectant side's view, but as the one with no power in the situation, it isn't as much their responsibility to listen, though it is a good attitude to have. To whom much is given, much is required; the side with all of the power needs to do far more listening and understanding and much, much less talking.

As much as I would like to slap the expectant side about their head with a clue-by-four and scream, "Your 'should-ing' all over this person is REALLY NOT HELPING THEM COPE!" I don't think that would help things...no matter how much they deserve the slapping. Instead, I bide my time and, when appropriate, insert insight in ways that aren't accusatory or condescending. Whether or not it makes a difference, I cannot say; I cannot force someone to swallow truth. But I can tell the truth in diplomatic ways that will not make the situation more explosive than it already has the potential to be.

A door recently opened for me to insert some more truth into that expectant party's worldview. I've been planning my words all weekend and am pleased with my approach. I just hope they pause and really think about what I'm saying, rather than dismissing it.

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