Feb. 24th, 2010

wlotus: (Tending the Flame)
Sometimes, W, having more fun and being happier comes from looking for each in crazy, new places; instead of waiting for them to come from where you've found them before or where others are now finding them.

And I do mean crazy. Not just from the old standbys of travel, adventure, and romance, but from stretching, reaching, and growing. Accepting new responsibilities for your happiness, totally accepting others, and grasping even higher ideals. Philosophically taking yourself to places few have ever dared before.

Red hot smokin' love,
    The Universe

wlotus: (Tending the Flame)
There are three things on my agenda today, since it is wet outside and I do not have to work.


The laundry has been mocking me. The dishes in the kitchen have been jeering at me when I pass by. I am nearly done with the laundry, and when that is done--or perhaps while one sinkfull is soaking--I will tackle the pots in the sink.


I am nearly done with the hat T has been requesting for lo, these many months. When I finish that, I will start on a hat and scarf set for [livejournal.com profile] beautyofgrey. That should take me the rest of the week, plus a few more days, to complete. Then I have three baseball caps to do for [livejournal.com profile] just_woo. I intend to finish T's cap today, so I can start afresh with the hat and scarf set.


My brain feels as though I am making good progress grasping Windows Server 2003 Network Administration. I studied a bit on Monday, and what I read made sense. I'd like to continue my progress today.

There may be a run to BJs to pick up a container of cat litter, but I don't feel much like leaving the house, right now. It's only 10:45 AM, though. Who knows how I'll feel by mid-afternoon?

Today is quiet, and I am content. I am taking care of things that are important to me, and that is always a good thing.
wlotus: (Eyes Wide Open)
I watched RuPaul's Drag Race: Reunited! (Reunion Special), and towards the end of the show the drag queens had a chance to judge the judges. A few of them complained about what felt like overly harsh criticism from the judges. They talked about feeling like dirt and disliking the negativity. "We know the world is negative," one of them said, "so why must this show feed into the negativity?"

After a minute or two of both defending the judges and encouraging the queens, RuPaul worked himself into a fine rant. "That's just their opinion!" he all but shouted more than once. "If you felt low, it's because you forgot who you are!" He told them that he'd be ridiculously wealthy, if he had a dollar for every time someone criticized him, didn't agree with his drag persona, or didn't think he could make it as a drag queen. He admitted the self-doubt is never going to go away, but you snap back from it faster each time, if you believe in and remember your own fabulousness, no matter what anyone else says, no matter who criticizes some aspect of your public presentation. "Your happiness is not my responsibility!" he said at one point. "It's yours! You have to know who you are! I can't tell you you are fabulous; you have to know it for yourself!"

While I would prefer a world where people give criticism in the gentle, thoughtful way I prefer to deliver it, I appreciate where RuPaul is coming from. In the past, I have driven myself nearly insane trying to remake myself and various aspects of my life just to please critics. I have questioned myself and my worth more times than I care to remember, just because a boss or a peer did not see value in what I had done. If I was dismissed from their presence in the aftermath of the criticism, especially if I'd tried very hard to please them, the doubts grew roots. I have carried those doubts with me for months or years after the fact.

I had forgotten who I am.

Now, though, thanks to RuPaul's rant, I am newly inspired to remember.

I don't have to dismiss every criticism that comes my way; sometimes there is value in the criticism. It doesn't mean I am not fabulous, and it sure doesn't mean the critic is any more fabulous than I am. It means they had an opinion, and after some reflection, I found something of value in their opinion and chose to adapt their opinion to fit my view of myself, not the other way around. Or it may be that upon reflection, I decide their opinion does not fit my view of myself. In that case, I can remember that is their opinion, not a statement of my worth as a person. Then I can discard their feedback as I classily "sashay away" (as they say on RuPaul's Drag Race) to find someplace where my offerings will be properly appreciated. But whether I find something of value in their opinion or not, whether they appreciate what I have to offer or not, whether they choose to dismiss me from their presence or not, I remain fabulous and what I bring to the table remains valuable.

Because that is who I am.

Do you remember who you are?
wlotus: (Blackberry)
A completed baseball cap for T! The dishes are also done, and I have only a few clothes left to handwash. On my crochet hook now is the start of a tam, size small. :-)



wlotus: (Default)

October 2010


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