Thoughts While Waiting for the Train

[wlotus]

I have not done much in the photography realm; before yesterday, the last thing I did was make photos of myself after I cut my hair. The truth is I have felt overwhelmed to the point of feeling uninspired.

I feel guilty for not doing more with my photography talent. I am not entering every contest whose call for entries crosses my inbox. Right now I am not updating my Etsy shoppe. I am not renting booths at craft fairs, pursuing commissions and clients, or advertising. I haven't given up on marketing my photography; I simply haven't felt driven to do any of that right now. As a result, I feel as though I am wasting my talent, because I am not doing extraordinary things with it. If this train of thought feels familiar, it is because I am in danger of doing the same thing with my photography that I've done in the past with my professional life.

That is the problem right there: my belief that I am supposed to transform myself into something "extraordinary". What is wrong with developing and enjoying and sharing my talent simply for the joy of doing so? I gladly accept whatever clients or commissions come my way, but why must I push myself to seek others and berate myself for not passionately pursuing fame? Why must I attempt to have a "voice"?

What if just being myself, doing my own thing, and allowing my own voice to come through is extraordinary?

The more I think about it, the more it seems that is what most of the independent artists/bloggers I enjoy are doing: expressing themselves in their own way. In some cases fame has found them, but they were just being themselves, not actively seeking fame. The ones who became famous became so, not because they were trying to rope in fame, but because someone appreciated their normal voice.

Yesterday I went with friends to Central Park. The weather was warm and sunny, and I took my camera. I promised myself I would enjoy my time in the park and make whatever photos I pleased. I did not worry about making a statement or finding a niche. I did not worry about making myself into some kind of "extraordinary" or making marketable photos. I simply relaxed and enjoyed myself, and that was not a waste of my talent at all.


Bicycle Taxi Driver in Central Park

Comments

[arkadelos.livejournal.com]

It seems to me that you are not establishing your own goals or benchmarks. You are letting outside sources establish them for you. Where do you want to go with your photography? Do you personally want it to be a hobby, or do your ambitions lie elsewhere? Is fame important to you personally, or is it important because society seems to think so?

I think a part of your problem is in this sentence:
"Why must I attempt to have a "voice"?"
Are you questioning whether or not you have a voice?
Are you questioning whether or not to maintain your voice?
Everyone has a voice. I gather from this sentence that you believe if you are not famous, then you do not have a voice - only the famous have voices. But this is wrong. Everyone has a voice. Every single individual regardless of where they are in life has a voice. A voice is synomynous with individuality; thus to have a voice is to recognize the individuality of the person. The only key thing that matters is what you want to say.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

The idea is that I already have a voice, but I have mistakenly thought I have to find one. (That is why I put the word "voice" in quotes.) That mindset comes from believing everyone is special but me, and that is wrong.