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It Comes Down to Two Words
I have tried, for several days, to find a word that best describes how I feel about this year's presidential election cycle...rather, to find the words that most politely describe my feelings and will not burn bridges between me and people whose friendships I wish to retain. After a lot of private venting and after reading the public blog of a Christian who chooses not to participate in the voting process due to the power imbalance it perpetuates--this person cannot, in good conscience, participate in a process which demands someone must lose and be forced to endure a legislature they find untenable--I have come up with two words.
Betrayed.
Invisible.
When the election odyssey started, my research started. I listened to the mainstream media. I listened to first-hand accounts of people's experiences. I listened to the candidates. I listened to people's opinions. I began to see a very different story was happening on the ground than what was being reported in the media. There was a lot of fraud and race-baiting happening from the camp of the now president-elect. There was a lot of mockery from his supporters. There was resistance to the truth. I do not know why the mainstream media failed to report on these things that people saw and experienced with their own eyes. But I know I spread the word, sometimes passionately. I posted about these things here and usually did not allow dissenting discussion, as that only served to perpetuate the half-truths the media was telling and obscure the fact that things were not as many people believed them to be.
For my efforts I was called an uninformed liar. I was called bitterly paranoid and close-minded. I was told to grow up. I was told to filter my political posts rather than keeping them public--my blog was a way for me to share many aspects of my life, not just politics--and when I refused, I lost readers, some of whom called themselves friends. It was so important to them that they not be exposed to the truths I told that they were willing to entirely walk away from the venue by which I shared my life with them, rather than merely skipping the political posts the way I skipped political posts I did not agree with. It hurt, but I continued to put the truth out there, sure it would help people make the right decision. And in the end, the country voted into office the very person who had lied and cheated to get the Democratic nomination. My words and the words of many like me did not matter to those people, except as something to complain and joke about. To say I feel "betrayed" by their decision (some of whom started out in the same camp) is a polite understatement, but in the interest of not burning bridges, it is the best I can do.
Now I feel, for the most part, invisible. (That is, when I am not being targeted as an object of angry derision.) I grew up in an environment where I was shown and told my views did not matter and would not be considered, even if the outcome of others' decisions directly affected me. This feels like more of the same. The media ignored me. Some folks who called themselves my friends ignored me. They are going on with their celebrations without any concern for the warnings folks like me gave them. It is as though we and our warnings do not exist. The outcome of the 2000 and 2004 elections affected me in exactly the same way, with one exception: the bulk of my friends and associates felt as I did. Back then I had them to mourn with me. Now I mourn alone or amongst near-strangers.
So now I wonder why should I bother participating in the election process. It has been a long time since I have felt my vote matters. This will be the third consecutive administration which is opposed to my concerns. Adding insult to injury is the fact this administration will come from the party I used to believe represented me and my ideals. I am reading the posts of a Christian who chooses not to participate in the voting process, and I will read the various reference materials this person has compiled of like-minded thinkers. Part of me does not want to take that road; as an African-American and a woman, I am aware many people suffered a lot of pain and indignity and even gave their lives just for me to have that right to vote, today. As someone who has gained more respect for the role third parties play in our political system, I am aware supporting them often forces the two major parties to address concerns they would otherwise ignore, and failing to support them insures the political landscape will remain bipolar. But at least on the national scale, it is obvious my views and my vote do not make a bit of difference in the outcome of things. So why should I bother?
I do not yet have the answer to that question, but I will return to it in the years to come.
Invisible.
When the election odyssey started, my research started. I listened to the mainstream media. I listened to first-hand accounts of people's experiences. I listened to the candidates. I listened to people's opinions. I began to see a very different story was happening on the ground than what was being reported in the media. There was a lot of fraud and race-baiting happening from the camp of the now president-elect. There was a lot of mockery from his supporters. There was resistance to the truth. I do not know why the mainstream media failed to report on these things that people saw and experienced with their own eyes. But I know I spread the word, sometimes passionately. I posted about these things here and usually did not allow dissenting discussion, as that only served to perpetuate the half-truths the media was telling and obscure the fact that things were not as many people believed them to be.
For my efforts I was called an uninformed liar. I was called bitterly paranoid and close-minded. I was told to grow up. I was told to filter my political posts rather than keeping them public--my blog was a way for me to share many aspects of my life, not just politics--and when I refused, I lost readers, some of whom called themselves friends. It was so important to them that they not be exposed to the truths I told that they were willing to entirely walk away from the venue by which I shared my life with them, rather than merely skipping the political posts the way I skipped political posts I did not agree with. It hurt, but I continued to put the truth out there, sure it would help people make the right decision. And in the end, the country voted into office the very person who had lied and cheated to get the Democratic nomination. My words and the words of many like me did not matter to those people, except as something to complain and joke about. To say I feel "betrayed" by their decision (some of whom started out in the same camp) is a polite understatement, but in the interest of not burning bridges, it is the best I can do.
Now I feel, for the most part, invisible. (That is, when I am not being targeted as an object of angry derision.) I grew up in an environment where I was shown and told my views did not matter and would not be considered, even if the outcome of others' decisions directly affected me. This feels like more of the same. The media ignored me. Some folks who called themselves my friends ignored me. They are going on with their celebrations without any concern for the warnings folks like me gave them. It is as though we and our warnings do not exist. The outcome of the 2000 and 2004 elections affected me in exactly the same way, with one exception: the bulk of my friends and associates felt as I did. Back then I had them to mourn with me. Now I mourn alone or amongst near-strangers.
So now I wonder why should I bother participating in the election process. It has been a long time since I have felt my vote matters. This will be the third consecutive administration which is opposed to my concerns. Adding insult to injury is the fact this administration will come from the party I used to believe represented me and my ideals. I am reading the posts of a Christian who chooses not to participate in the voting process, and I will read the various reference materials this person has compiled of like-minded thinkers. Part of me does not want to take that road; as an African-American and a woman, I am aware many people suffered a lot of pain and indignity and even gave their lives just for me to have that right to vote, today. As someone who has gained more respect for the role third parties play in our political system, I am aware supporting them often forces the two major parties to address concerns they would otherwise ignore, and failing to support them insures the political landscape will remain bipolar. But at least on the national scale, it is obvious my views and my vote do not make a bit of difference in the outcome of things. So why should I bother?
I do not yet have the answer to that question, but I will return to it in the years to come.
no subject
I am mourning the loss of a sense of community here. As I said, after the Bush wins, I mourned amongst my readership. Now I mourn alone or amongst near-strangers elsewhere.
I am also mourning the loss of my faith in humanity. I am an idealist who believes truth will prevail and crookedness will be punished. When reality flies in the face of my ideals, it takes me awhile to regroup.
no subject
That said, I voted for Hillary because, like you, I believed she was the most experienced. However, I know that Obama swept the NC primary because SO MANY PEOPLE (Dixiecrats) hated Hillary, and so many people felt that if Hillary had faced off against McCain, we'd be facing a Republican presidency. So, I know people who thought that Hillary was TOTALLY QUALIFIED, and yet voted against her because they did not feel she would be ultimately electable. I did and did not see the sexism in that - it depended on who I talked to. For me, I voted for her because I wanted my voice to be heard. It was not the majority voice, and I accepted that, without so much grace. Obviously, I learned what I could about Obama, until I felt more comfortable with him. And I even have come to like him, in the past few months. I realize that you do not, but I do not respect you any less - we all come from this at different angles.
I can only say this: I have never felt as if my vote "counted" until this year. This is because I was a blue fish swimming against a current of red. Since before I was born. And when I saw the way the party was motivated in my state, the ground troops, and the people willing sit down and discuss with me his plan - and I felt like I was actually a part of a democracy. As if the system might work.
I know that in future years, it may again be that I am a blue fish swimming against a sea of red. Or if my politics change, a green fish against a sea of blue - and I may feel that my vote has not "counted".
But it does. In fact, I would say that your voice has been much stronger than my own. You have written letters and faced more politically scrutiny, but you have held true to your beliefs throughout. For me, I am still growing and learning, and much of this election was, for me, learning and solidifying my political beliefs. So I appreciate your posts, even when I found myself troubled by them. But what kind of person would I be, if I didn't question myself or my political beliefs?
I know it's probably been a hard week for you. I still love and respect you, even when we disagree. I do hope that you will feel better about this election in the coming months..I hope that perhaps the party shows you a better side - after all, a party is only composed of the people that make it up. But if it does not, I hope that you will continue to raise your voice. If nothing else, challenging the ranks forces the issues out onto the table - the Democratic party will have to answer for it's slyness at some point, as the Republicans have had to answer for their negligence in this past week.