Retaining Ownership of My Life

[wlotus]

Yesterday I spoke with someone I like and respect. She asked me about my job, and I told her. She was not impressed, and she didn't hide that fact. "Are you going to eventually go back into the technical side of things?" she asked, concerned I was giving up on my IT studies and turning my back on my technical background. "When you first started, I got the impression you had more of a sense of urgency about finishing them." I pointed out that at that time I was trying to get out of an abusive work environment as quickly as possible, and now that I am free of that place, finishing my studies is not as urgent. "But just because something is no longer urgent does not mean it is no longer important," I explained. After verifying I intend to finish my studies, she felt more satisfied.

I walked away from that conversation with this statement banging in my brain:

If I decide to do my current job or jobs like it for the rest of my life, that is okay, because it would be my decision.

I and I alone am qualified to decide what kind of work is the best use of my time and talents. I am done pursuing jobs or titles or degrees or accomplishments based on what others may think about me. This season of my life is about owning my life, figuring out what works for me and my partner at any given time, and pursuing only those things. For many years I have cared too much about what others may think of me and wanting people to be impressed with me. I still care, of course, but I do not intend to shape my life based on that caring.

So far, I enjoy my job. It is full time, and it comes with benefits. It is just right for me at this time of my life. After two years of unemployment and per diem work, that is what matters most to me. Finishing my IT studies is important to me--I don't like starting something and not finishing it, particularly when a $15,000 student loan is part of the equation--but this is higher on my list of priorities. Period. No further explanation needed.

As for my job, I shall now happily, gratefully get back to it.

Comments

[sandokai.livejournal.com]

Seriously. If someone wants to do--whatever, the least respected job in society-- for the rest of their life, why should anyone else care?

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

T says it is a control issue. She likens it to someone trying to hold the steering wheel in other people's vehicles...from outside the car. :-) I understand it can be difficult to back off and let someone you care about take their lives in a direction you feel is beneath them. But unless they ask you to help them turn things in a new direction, backing off is the only respectful thing you can do. Not your life. Not your say. End of story.

[far-gone.livejournal.com]

I think you can be proud of the work you are doing, and the choices you are making!! And none of her damn business anyway!

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Indeed. :-D

[greenminions.livejournal.com]

I don't mind people giving me job advice but only when it's constructive advice that aids me in me meeting MY goals. But it's hard when the unconstructive advice comes from outside of your line of work. Outsiders think it's just so easy to just fulfill your goals.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I already knew this person is judgmental, so I wasn't surprised by her reaction. In fact, I was ready for it, which is why I was able to hold my own.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

And hallelujah, too. :-)

[acoustics1220.livejournal.com]

Go you ♥

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Thank you, ma'am. I most certainly will. :-)

[openscarf.livejournal.com]

I agree with acoustics1220, go you!

It's that kind of judgement about "work" and what that actually means that keeps people imprisoned doing what they don't like or want.

I feel my goals are very much aligned as yours are regarding "work".

For me, "work" is how I earn money to pay my bills. I don't want the bs of my last place of work, I'll gladly take a more entry level position so I can just go in, do my duties and leave.

I have a life other than work. It would be great if my creative work, what I love, paid the bills. Maybe it will one day. Maybe I'll get a dream job. But we are not our jobs.

What type of work are you doing?

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I am doing data entry for a local company. The work is straightforward, and there appears to be plenty of it.

I like that. "We are not our jobs." One thing being unemployed taught me was how much more there is to me than my former job. I don't even want to lose sight of that fact, again.

Success is about the joy I feel.

[tkeana2k.livejournal.com]

Isn't it good to walk away from the binds of others' opinions of us? Feels so good to walk our own path, having a joyful life experience, something no job title or salary or degree can guarantee. And to be able to speak your truth without needing to change her mind--nice going!

Deva Premal has the most amazing voice.

Re: Success is about the joy I feel.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

It has taken me a long time to walk this freely, but I have been moving towards this point for a long time. I had to unlearn a lot to get here. It was hard, scary, exhilarating work. :-)

Deva Premal's music is wonderful to work by when I am in a meditative mood.

[grandwoobah.livejournal.com]

I'm totally in that space with you! Rock on!

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

You, too!!!!!!!!

[sunfell.livejournal.com]

My father regularly grills me on why I don't have a more 'important' position or management level job. He keeps telling me that I should be gunning for my boss' job, or doing something more 'important'. And he thinks that I am a 'failure' because I am not a top dog.

I don't want to be a manager, supervisor, or any top dog. I am not interested in such things- I do not have the temperament or the toughness needed to do the job right.

OK, so I won't get rich doing this job. I won't own a home, either- two things he thinks seem to be really important markers of 'success'.

I don't really want to own a house. Not any more. And 'rich' is relative. I have what I need, and don't have to scrimp or save too much to get stuff I want. My father is rich- he has more money than he knows what to do with. I told him about a car I was looking at- perhaps as a birthday treat, and it got him thinking about new cars- and he bought one for himself the very next day. No, he did not buy one for me. I refuse to let him subsidize me. He's got two other kids sucking at the teat.

I like what I do. I can get the job done, then go home and not have to worry about midnight calls to babysit sick servers. I do not have to monitor stuff from home. I do not have to worry about the politics of having a managerial job, managing the budget, messing with underlings or any of that. I am strictly a techie, and I am happy with that.

Prestige is an illusion. It can vanish like smoke. Self-confidence, and self-understanding, on the other hand- are things which will last long after a job is done.

[openscarf.livejournal.com]

Brilliantly said! (hands clapping)

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Prestige is an illusion. It can vanish like smoke. Self-confidence, and self-understanding, on the other hand- are things which will last long after a job is done.

Very well said. I haven't always felt this way, but coming to this realization has been freeing. I am returning to myself, after years of trying to be someone else.

[scream4noreason.livejournal.com]

I do a very lowly job and often customers ask me, "So, is this your ONLY job?" in a sneering tone. Friends have asked the same thing.In fact, I know I have lost friends because my job isn't good enough for THEM.

I do what I need to do to keep a roof over my head. What annoys me even more is people who are coming from a place of financial security asking me the same questions.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

It's easy to judge from a position of privilege. I can't stand that, either.

*raises eyebrows*

[mage-girl.livejournal.com]

Bear says that people should mind their own honey pot, lest said honey should turn up missing or eaten.

Heh.


:)


Love,

Sis

Re: *raises eyebrows*

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I have to agree with Bear on this one. :-)

[balmofgilead.livejournal.com]

I read someplace recently that in each country there is one question you can ask people that will tend to get them to open up (because it's polarizing or it's how people define themselves or what have you). In America, that question is "what do you do?" It was kind of enlightening to me that this is specifically an American thing.

I find myself being judgey about jobs - judging others and judging myself. It's a pervasive attitude.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Once in a blue moon I will judge others, but I have a few Ph.D. degrees in judging myself. :-) It took me over a year to get past not being able to say I worked as a firmware engineer; I hadn't realized just how much of my identity I had wrapped up in that title until I lost the job. Now I can honestly say I am to the point where I care very little. I can't say I don't care, but I am able to balance out caring what others (i.e. my former engineering coworkers, particularly the ones who were actively involved in pushing me out of the job) would think with how much happier I am with my life, now).