Paradox

[wlotus]

I do not appreciate criticism of any person, place, or thing I like. Unless I perform intense mental acrobatics, I take such criticisms as deeply personal attacks.

At the same time I have no trouble criticizing people, places, and things I do not like or understand.

As someone who usually does a good job of seeing both sides of an issue and putting herself in others' shoes, I am fascinated and confused and embarrassed by this paradox. I may never understand it.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com

Comments

[sacramentalist.livejournal.com]

I find I'm the same way. When someone criticizes my friend, I feel like they're criticizing me. At least you're aware of it. I just get annoyed and defensive without I realizing what it is that bothers me.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I am maturing to where you already are. Now I am aware of my reaction, where before I was not. I am also able to say, "That is their opinion, not a sign that I need to change my point of view." Remembering that calms me down, as does stepping away from the conversation for a while to give myself time to be more rational. I'll be glad when that comes as second nature.

[runningnekkid.livejournal.com]

I am prone to this kind of reaction as well. I often wonder if it stems from the vague, yet constant sense of disapproval that I felt emanating from my mother, no matter what I did. As a little girl always desperately trying to win her mother's approval, I instead found more and more ways to disappoint her. My interests became sources of ridicule, which directly tied in to how fundamentally backwards or childish or unthinking or, well, unacceptable I was. This led to me being fiercely protective of my inner self, and I do honestly feel as if someone criticizing my choices, interests, etc, equals a lessening of my worth. This is an immature reaction that I am prone to, however, and not the more mature and more self-accepting thought process that I have been trying to adopt (with varying degrees of success, depending on my emotional state and the circumstances).

In any case, I don't this totally human reaction is anything that should make you feel ashamed. Rather, it is another opportunity to realize what events or emotions from your past are still running the show. Maturing is a fantastic puzzle. And the great thing is, we get to do it for the rest of our entire lives! I hope that you do eventually crack the nut of this reaction, and make peace with whatever lay within it. :)

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I can probably track back to the root of my feelings in a similar manner. (Oh, but how tired I am of doing so!) I know that at some point in my life I got the idea that others' disapproval of my choices and interests meant that I was required to change, which suggests that message came (either implicitly or explicitly) from someone with a great amount of influence over me. I am going to delve deeper into it in my paper journaling.

[verucas-chaos.livejournal.com]

Interesting. I find myself growing weary of myself for similar reasons. Although since I turned about 45, I've gotten much better.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

You and judywatt give me hope. :-)

[lapetitediva.livejournal.com]

I do not appreciate criticism of any person, place, or thing I like...At the same time I have no trouble criticizing people, places, and things I do not like or understand.

I'm the same way. I find it's much easier to deal with the first instance on the internet, because I can always stop reading and make a conscious effort to not frequent that particular message board, or read a certain individual's posts. In real life, depending on the circumstances, the best I can do is just nod, say "Okay", and try to change the subject, or physically remove myself from the discussion, as the last thing I want is to become overly emotional and/or defensive to the point where I find myself in an unwanted back-and-forth "debate". I don't like arguing, so I try to diffuse the situation as quickly and non-confrontationally as possible, even if my actions come across as passive-aggressive.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I find it far easier to deal with on the internet, because I have time to take a deep breath and remind myself to take a step back from the discussion rather than taking it personally. Granted, I am not always successful. LOL! But I am more likely to do it when dealing with people online. I'll be glad when I have learned to consistently do it face-to-face, as well.