wlotus | A Change Is Due (Reply)

At last Anne...re-entered the house so happy as to be obliged to find an alloy in some momentary apprehensions of its being impossible to last. An interval of meditation, serious and grateful, was the best corrective of every thing dangerous in such high-wrought felicity; and she went to her room, and grew steadfast and fearless in the thankfulness of her enjoyment.

~Persuasion, by Jane Austen

This quote reminds me of the last item on my list of what life is too short for. Anne was conditioned to expect happiness to be short-lived; that is what her past experience had taught her. But she finally concluded she had every right to bask in the felicity of the present moment, rather than talking herself out of her happiness in anticipation of some future trial. It is a change in world view which I adopted for myself some weeks ago, and which I have seen becomes me far more than my previous conditioning.

I know I said (also on my Life Is Too Short list) we adults are, for the most part, who we are, and epiphanies are rare. That is generally true, but it is also true my temperament make me introspective. I am almost constantly examining myself and my view of the world, then deciding whether something about my world view needs to be changed. While it has been troublesome for some people who feel a person of my age ought to be more fixed, this is a relief for me and for those close to me, because we know all too well there are many aspects of my conditioning which need to be rethought and abandoned for healthier views. That need, coupled with my temperament, makes me subject to such epiphanies fairly frequently. My changes are steps towards improvement; they are not the sign of a weak mind. On the contrary, they are the result of having a mind which is stronger and healthier now than it was for most of my previous years!

(As an aside, I suspect the people who have attributed my introspections and changes to a weak mind simply are not the introspective type, which is to their disadvantage in some cases, particularly in their dealings with me. The people who appreciate that aspect of my temperament tend to be introspective and more open to considering new viewpoints, which makes me prefer their company over the others'.)

This change is not easy; I struggle to maintain my new attitude, because I have nearly 39^* years of the other attitude steering my brain. But I've turned off auto-pilot until this new direction I am steering in takes hold. I like this new direction far better...and I have a feeling my friends and family do, too, as it means I am far better company to them than I could ever have been, before.

^*I consider it my duty of inform the world that my 39th birthday will be on 21 February, which is just over a month from today. Far be it from me to leave you unaware; I know you want to send me lots of gifts and such, so it is my responsibility to give you ample warning. ;-)