Inside My Velvet Rope

By RICHARD A. FRIEDMAN, M.D.
Published: October 19, 2009

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A patient of mine, a lovely woman in her 60s whom I treated for depression, recently asked my advice about how to deal with her aging mother.

"She’s always been extremely abusive of me and my siblings," she said, as I recall. "Once, on my birthday, she left me a message wishing that I get a disease. Can you believe it?"

Over the years, she had tried to have a relationship with her mother, but the encounters were always painful and upsetting; her mother remained harshly critical and demeaning.

Whether her mother was mentally ill, just plain mean or both was unclear, but there was no question that my patient had decided long ago that the only way to deal with her mother was to avoid her at all costs....

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I have some close friends and online-only acquaintances who seem to have truly toxic parents. While it is great to try to work out family issues, sometimes one's family is simply too attached to their dysfunction, and the dysfunction is far too toxic to justify continued exposure to them. Breaking ties (at least for a while) can be hard to do, but it can also be the healthiest thing you can do for yourself, if you are in that position.

The media loves to stir up drama where there is none. Case in point...

Screaming Headline: Michael Jackson memorial cost L.A. $1.4 million

Quiet Details: "Los Angeles officials say Tuesday's memorial service for Michael Jackson cost the city $1.4 million to cover security, traffic control, and other services, according to the Associated Press. The figure includes $1.1 million in overtime pay for the 4,173 police officers securing the Staples Center, Forest Lawn cemetery, and other areas that attracted fans and media, the Police Department said in a statement."

Let's get this straight, people: the Jackson family paid for Michael Jackson's memorial service, like any family does for their loved one. The city of L.A. paid for the police presence, etc., based on what THE CITY felt it would need for crowd control. Furthermore, any city does this when a celebrity who generally draws crowds comes to town. If Mother Theresa's funeral had been held in L.A., there would have been a significant cost for crowd control. When Aaliyah's funeral was held in NYC there was an increased police presence--those police barricades keeping fans back from the church did not appear on their own, nor did they stay up of their own volition--at the very least to escort her coffin in the horse-drawn carriage. But of course, the media is not saying that. Instead, the media is twisting things to make it sound as though L.A. paid for the memorial service of the media's favorite whipping boy...who, by the way, is not around any longer to defend himself. And I am sure his family has much better things to do (like comfort one another during this grieving period and look after his kids) than to waste time defending themselves against the media spin machine.

In short, don't believe the hype!

10 September 2008
By: Ross Wolinsky

"The rise of social media has made it easier than ever to keep in touch with friends, relatives and coworkers. With a few keystrokes you can reconnect with an old high school buddy, learn what your coworker’s favorite band is, or play Scrabble with a friend who lives on the other side of the globe.

"But while increased connectivity is an undeniably good thing, you can just as easily use it to annoy the living hell out of everyone you know. This is the internet, after all, and if something on the internet can be used in an annoying way, you can safely assume that 99% of the population will proceed to do so (go try reading a comment on YouTube if you don’t believe me).

"People need rules to tell them how to act. Luckily I went to the top of Mount Internet last night, and God handed me down these 10 Commandments of Facebook for all to obey. Follow them or you’ll go to hell."

He that hath ears to hear, let him hear!

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All I can say is amen, and hallelujah!

I agree with every word, including her reasons for supporting Senator Clinton, whom I also support.

THE woman in question became a lawyer after some years as a community organizer, married a corporate lawyer and is the mother of two little girls, ages 9 and 6. Herself the daughter of a white American mother and a black African father — in this race-conscious country, she is considered black — she served as a state legislator for eight years, and became an inspirational voice for national unity.

Be honest: Do you think this is the biography of someone who could be elected to the United States Senate? After less than one term there, do you believe she could be a viable candidate to head the most powerful nation on earth?

If you answered no to either question, you’re not alone. Gender is probably the most restricting force in American life, whether the question is who must be in the kitchen or who could be in the White House. This country is way down the list of countries electing women and, according to one study, it polarizes gender roles more than the average democracy....

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