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I Acknowledge Your Suffering
Jan. 2nd, 2008 09:16 amYesterday ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jadegirl wrote to me, "The suffering in me sees and acknowledges the suffering in you." Her statement warmed me like sunshine on my sun-worshipping skin. It's a very different attitude than the one I am used to receiving, namely, "Get over it, already. I don't want to hear it." She did not ask when I'd be done suffering. She did not remain silent in the face of my suffering. Nor did she offer empty promises of things getting better. She merely said she sees my suffering, and she acknowledged that she, too, has suffered. I was comforted by her acknowledgement of my suffering, but also by her willingness to admit we are linked by our shared human experience. She could have kept a clinical, almost embarrassed distance from my pain, but she did not, and that moves me whenever I think about it.
Some well-meaning people do not acknowledge that link, except to say, "Look at what I have overcome. Why are you not as strong as I am (claiming to be)?" They turn it into a pissing contest rather than a statement of understanding. I once had someone who cares a great deal about me compare my experiences to theirs and say, "If anyone had any right to be depressed or need therapy, it was me!" Needless to say, our conversation did not go well. That person missed a golden opportunity to bond with me by acknowledging we have both been hurt and then giving us a chance to support each other in our individual healing paths. (Ironically enough, that same person had complained that I don't confide in them when I am hurting. That was their reaction when I made an effort to include them in my grieving/healing process.)
So the moral is: be careful what you ask for. :-) No, no, no...the moral is I understand better what type of response helps me heal and move on an inch at a time, and I am grateful tojadegirl for offering that kind of response to me. I feel a little taller and a little more connected to the rest of humanity after receiving it.
jadegirl wrote to me, "The suffering in me sees and acknowledges the suffering in you." Her statement warmed me like sunshine on my sun-worshipping skin. It's a very different attitude than the one I am used to receiving, namely, "Get over it, already. I don't want to hear it." She did not ask when I'd be done suffering. She did not remain silent in the face of my suffering. Nor did she offer empty promises of things getting better. She merely said she sees my suffering, and she acknowledged that she, too, has suffered. I was comforted by her acknowledgement of my suffering, but also by her willingness to admit we are linked by our shared human experience. She could have kept a clinical, almost embarrassed distance from my pain, but she did not, and that moves me whenever I think about it.Some well-meaning people do not acknowledge that link, except to say, "Look at what I have overcome. Why are you not as strong as I am (claiming to be)?" They turn it into a pissing contest rather than a statement of understanding. I once had someone who cares a great deal about me compare my experiences to theirs and say, "If anyone had any right to be depressed or need therapy, it was me!" Needless to say, our conversation did not go well. That person missed a golden opportunity to bond with me by acknowledging we have both been hurt and then giving us a chance to support each other in our individual healing paths. (Ironically enough, that same person had complained that I don't confide in them when I am hurting. That was their reaction when I made an effort to include them in my grieving/healing process.)
So the moral is: be careful what you ask for. :-) No, no, no...the moral is I understand better what type of response helps me heal and move on an inch at a time, and I am grateful to
jadegirl for offering that kind of response to me. I feel a little taller and a little more connected to the rest of humanity after receiving it.
