Happy Holidays

Believe it or not, I never experienced Christmas as an expression of faith. In spite of being raised in a conservative, Pentecostal home and being forced to participate in religious activities around Christmas, that is not what made the holiday meaningful for me. In fact, others' insistence on making the holiday an exercise in religious expression annoyed me and put a serious damper on my enjoyment of the holiday. The repetitive scripture readings and dry prayers were a burden I had to endure as graciously as I could manage, in order to avoid punishment; they never meant anything more to me than that (though I tried my best to make them mean more than that to me). And don't get me started on being required to memorize poems and songs to recite before the church like a trained monkey, while many of the other young people in the church of my childhood sat back and did nothing. I still get a bitter taste in my mouth when I remember those days.

For me, the magic of Christmas has always been in the non-church-based activities of the season. There is the beautiful music--I enjoy the religious music for its beauty, not because it is religious--the special television shows, and the decorations. Christmas has always been meaningful to me because of special events with family and friends, including an excuse to give them gifts from my heart. The specially-prepared foods and dressy clothing that made me feel like the princess I liked to imagine I was were the icing on the cake.

This Christmas I cannot afford to do much in the way of gift-giving, but I am getting back in touch with the magic of the holiday by listening to holiday music and holding the feelings of nostalgia close to my heart. I also intend to put serious effort into decorating our home this year. In fact, since the weather is supposed to be cold and wet this weekend, that may be what I spend this weekend doing.

For the first time in some time, I feel joy surrounding Christmas. I'm glad the magic is back in my heart.