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Still Hanging On
I had a conversation yesterday that reminded me I no longer believe the foundational tenets of Christianity. I don't believe there is a cognizant, independent being called "God"; to me, god is nothing more than another word for the life force that is found in all living things. I don't believe Jesus was any more or less divine than you or me; he was a person of incredibly strong convictions who treated people from all sexes and walks of life with radical equality in a time and culture where that was almost unheard of. I believe Bible accounts of things like the creation and the parting of the Red Sea are, most likely, myths like the ones the Greeks and Romans told about their gods to explain what they did not understand. (I still don't have a firm opinion on the stories about Jesus' death and resurrection.)
Yet I do not have any desire to withdraw my membership from The Riverside Church, a decidedly Christian church, in spite of not having attended a worship service since mid-summer, and in spite of not being involved in any ministries or classes there. I have no desire to find and join a Unitarian Universalist Church (UUC) congregation; because they are not decidedly Christian, it wouldn't feel like being a member of a "real" church to me. And I insist on defining myself as "Christian", though I am quite clear that my deep respect for how Jesus lived his life and my agreement with the things he taught is what makes a Christian, not belief in his divinity or the sometimes questionable teachings of his early followers.
I feel as though I am grasping at straws, and I do not understand why I am grasping.
Yet I do not have any desire to withdraw my membership from The Riverside Church, a decidedly Christian church, in spite of not having attended a worship service since mid-summer, and in spite of not being involved in any ministries or classes there. I have no desire to find and join a Unitarian Universalist Church (UUC) congregation; because they are not decidedly Christian, it wouldn't feel like being a member of a "real" church to me. And I insist on defining myself as "Christian", though I am quite clear that my deep respect for how Jesus lived his life and my agreement with the things he taught is what makes a Christian, not belief in his divinity or the sometimes questionable teachings of his early followers.
I feel as though I am grasping at straws, and I do not understand why I am grasping.
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