The Terrible Teens Are in Full Effect

[wlotus]

The Teen ended the 7th grade with a grade point average of 86.14. Other than the 70 in English (down from an 85 the previous marking period, and entirely out of line with his 710/790 standardized test score), the academic grades aren't news. His effort and conduct grades, however, are:

English: Effort Needs Improvement
Math: Takes too long to settle down to work
Technology: Needs Improvement

The Teen is suffering from a viewpoint that has always been foreign to me with regards to schoolwork, but seems to be common amongst other teens: homework is either optional or a necessary evil to be rushed through with the minimal effort necessary to say, "I did it." Furthermore, socializing in class is perfectly acceptable. Lying about one's behavior and whether one has finished one's homework is also the order of the day.

labryrinthnight and I are not impressed. That is not how he's being raised. In fact, she is SO not impressed that she has pulled him out of that school (which was his first choice for a middle school), away from all of his friends, and enrolled him in a Catholic school for 8th grade. That means uniforms. That also means the mohawk has got to go.

The Teen is not impressed. His mother and I, however, are thrilled. Our hope is the more traditional academic environment will instill more discipline in him. Up until this point, he has been able to shuck nearly everything his mother has instilled in him with regards to work as soon as he leaves the house and arrives at school; at school, punishments are threatened, but rarely carried out, and teachers have allowed undone classwork to slide, because they are tired of pushing him to do it. The principle at the Catholic school claims that is not how she runs her ship, and she was appalled at the difference between his standardized test scores and his progress report card. We hope she lives up to her word.

Comments

[phenomenull.livejournal.com]

That's so frustrating! Hopefully the school change will snap him out of it.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

It has been frustrating to watch labyrinthnight struggle to get him to be disciplined and consistent in his work, only to see him silently resist everything she does. She wants more for him than just getting by in life, and up until now his school environment hasn't done enough to help her instill that pride and initiative in him.

[labellerose.livejournal.com]

I'm pulling for you, labrynthnight and The Teen. We have to deal with similar issues with my son and it's no fun. There are days when I think that in males, they put so much energy into growing those big bodies that everything else, including the higher cortical functions lol, shuts down. Till about, y'know, 30, for some of them. ;)
Young African American men have the additional challenge of a culture that tells them that excelling academically is acting white and not keepin' it real. It's hard to fight. No excuse for giving up-but it's hard to fight, and many believe that a non-minority teacher has no business saying anything about this.
A change of scene may well help . And regardless of any attitude The Teen may pull, he is damn lucky to have a couple of strong adults who are invested in him and are willing to keep him straight-up and accountable.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

The thing about The Teen's school environment is he has always gone to predominantly white schools and been considered advanced/honors; his middle school is the first school he's been to where the student body is well-mixed, and he was in honors there for 6th and 7th grades. So he isn't getting that "acting white" bull from school, and he SURE isn't getting it at home. In fact, he is happy to be a tech nerd. :-) His thing is he wants to do the fun stuff--make loads of money doing Flash programming--without doing the grunt work to get to that point, and all of the stories about boys who never finished college making millions in IT and software development are not helping him see reality. Even pointing out the fact that those are almost always white males doesn't open his eyes to the fact that it is HIGHLY unlikely he will get that kind of break/financing in this society without working damn hard for it.

That said, labyrinthnight is convinced the reason his elementary teachers didn't push him is because they just saw him as "another n***** who isn't going to go anywhere", so they couldn't be so bothered. I don't know how true that is, but I can understand why she would suspect that. She has told him about her suspicions, too, in the hopes it would spur him to prove them wrong, but that isn't getting through to him, either.

Thanks for the encouragement. We appreciate it.

[mmmmgreen.livejournal.com]

My sister did the same thing with my nephew. It did him a world of good! He went for 7th and 8th grade, and while he still does not fully work to his potential, he is a completely different student, and behaviorwise it also affected his day to day interactions with family and friends.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

That is exactly what we're hoping for! I think part of the problem is the influence of his school friends; they are an undisciplined, mildly disrespectful, smart-mouthed bunch, and he loves being with them during lunch rather than with the other honors students. Since he doesn't live in their neighborhoods and isn't likely to be in contact with them until his grades go up--being allowed to go places with them on the weekend? with those grades? are you mad?--this change may work wonders.

[mmmmgreen.livejournal.com]

I think it will!! Good luck!

[ruthiebgr8.livejournal.com]

I am hearing this from a lot of people with boys who've hit middle school. I hope the Catholic school works.

I had my oldest daughter in a Catholic school for a few years when she was elementary school aged and we lived in a horrid neighborhood. Between the Catholic school and putting her in public school I homeschooled her for a year. I know she coasted through the first 3-4 years she was in public school because the education she received in the Catholic school and at home taught her way beyond her peers were being taught.

It is possible the Teen will be further behind then he thinks!!

Funny How Anatomy Works

[edmaestro.livejournal.com]

I don't know if there is any scientific basis to this, but it seems like boys have more of that problem than girls. When I used to work at a middle school, I noticed that if there was an assignment given, the boys would talk and play and many times completely disregard the assignment. The girls would talk and play but at the end of the day they would have their work done. Going through the same kinds of stuff at home with the boy. Pray our strength. lol

Re: Funny How Anatomy Works

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Anatomy or socialization? A lot of people expect girls to be obedient and come down on them for the mildest infraction from the earliest age, where boys are expected to be unruly and unmanageable, so their rough-and-tumble ways are called "boys will be boys". A lot of girls would be "boys" (theoretically speaking), too, if their natural rough-and-tumble ways were not stomped on by society as soon as they started to show them. By middle school age those socializations are well ingrained.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Part of his condition for acceptance was to spend the day at the school. He says some of the stuff they covered he already knew, and some stuff he did not know. No doubt there will be some things he will need to catch up on, though, because his education has been somewhat nontraditional.

Re: Funny How Anatomy Works

[rockbirthedme.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'd be inclined to call socialization on that one, too.

If it's any comfort to you and labyrinthnight, smplmn was an impossible student who refused to do homework and didn't work to his potential, too. Once he got into an environment where he was training to do real work and could see the connection between what he was doing and where he was going, his work habits changed completely. The guy who graduated from college with a C average and a degree in beer is carrying an A average as a master's candidate, and he works his ass off in the workplace. Granted the Teen has some obstacles that smplmn didn't have to contend with, there's still hope!

I do have a suggestion. It's worth what you're paying for it, of course, so it's a take-it-or-leave-it thing, but it's an idea.

One of the things that seems to have motivated the bandar log is to have some kind of "real" work to do. That is, work that has an immediate, obvious purpose, as opposed to academics, which are mostly motivated by the fact that they're required by adults, and which don't have an immediate, visible purpose.

They've volunteered at the library and the food pantry, and they can see the results of their work right in front of them and know it's valuable. Their work habits when they are volunteering are immaculate, even though I sometimes have to sit on them to be disciplined at home. So maybe it would be worth it to have the Teen look for something outside of school that interests him. It doesn't have to be volunteer work, just something with results that he values. I don't know what would catch his attention, but I bet you two could come up with something.

[spritely-ariel.livejournal.com]

Sounds exactly like my brother. He was good academically but could have been outstanding if he'd put more effort in. I was always amazed that he managed to get the grades that he did considering his lack of work.

I bet The Teen will turn his behaviour around since it's clear that his mother means business.