Oh, MY God

[wlotus]

Three weeks ago I wrote in my paper journal about my current feelings towards God. In short, why should I be angry at God when people are the ones who misled me? Or (to take responsibility for my own naivete and to acknowledge the fact that many of them were well-meaning) why should I be angry at God when I was the one who decided early in life to suppress my instinctive understanding of God to blindly believe what the people around me believed? (In all fairness to myself, that suppression was a necessary survival skill, due to the environment I grew up in. Now, however, it fits me no better than my very first pair of shoes would.)

The things I believe about God now are in line with what I used to believe about God when I was a very young child just becoming aware/curious of the divine.

God never misled me. God was simply being Zirself^* all along. But people told me God was something else, something that turned out to be oppressive to me in many ways. That was not God's fault.

I feel I can befriend God, now. The thought of doing so no longer sets my teeth on edge.

---

^*I don't usually use gender-neutral pronouns, but doing so when I write about God feels far more natural to me than alternating between the feminine and masculine or not using any pronouns at all.

Comments

[mmmmgreen.livejournal.com]

I came to terms with God when my mother died. I couldn't understand why God would take her. Then I realized, I shouldn't be mad that he took her, I should be thankful that I was allowed to have her as long as I did.

Even the stuff with the ex... I have these three kids who are the light of my life because of him. He ( doug) made bad choices, but God was giving me my kids.

I tend to deal with things better looking at it from this point of view (although being positive is not ALWAYS possible).

And as always... eloquently put.

[verucas-chaos.livejournal.com]

Well written and good things for me to consider as well. I have many things with the higher power that I have not reconciled.

[ginmar.livejournal.com]

Oh, God, I hear you about Zir and Zie and all that crap. I hate that stuff for some reason. For your relationship with God---if it gives you peace and happiness, good! These are difficult tims for all.

[far-gone.livejournal.com]

Another step forward! You sound so good.

[arkadelos.livejournal.com]

I realized over the course of the years that God has plans for each of us. However, it is up to us to follow through with God's plans and to secure a better relationship with our Creator. This is the point of free will. I am happy to hear something so inspirational, and your words are worth contemplation.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

It is interesting that the idea that God has plans for us is one of the ideas that became oppressive to me over time. (In short, I could have learned the lessons I have learned with much less anguish, and thinking God chose to make me suffer anyway turned me off to the idea of God for some years.) It has taken a long time for me to accept that while the idea may have oppressed me, it inspires others and gives them comfort.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I feel so good.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I may not feel comfortable using gender-neutral pronouns in other instances, but I respect others' decision to do so.

[ginmar.livejournal.com]

I don't think they're officially parts of the English language, and I can never tell which one is which. I'll stick to she and he till then---with she as the default.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

As far as I know, they aren't officially parts of the English language. But I am not exactly known for bowing to the status quo. :-)

[ginmar.livejournal.com]

I have enough trouble with my grammar as it is. I need all the help I can get. :p

[ex-momilu.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you posted this. What an amazing "a-ha" this must have been for you!

[rockbirthedme.livejournal.com]

I have to admit that "zie" and "zir" make me uncomfortable, because they both sound feminine to me. Replacing a male default pronoun with a female is okay with me, but I figure I might just as well do it with "she" and "her" and be done with it. But I also recognize that "zie" and "zir" have an important place in beginning to deal with people whose gender identities are not as cut-and-dried as "female" and "male."

But I'm interested in what you're seeing here. How does this affect you relationship (if you have one) with god/dess?

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

When I see "zie" or "zir", I am better able to see a genderless entity. When I use "she" to refer to God, I feel like I am faking. When I use "he" to refer to God, I find it difficult to see God as anything other than the tyrant I grew up fearing. Saying "zie" or "zir" doesn't feel feminine or masculine to me, so it is easier to use them when talking about a spirit which is supposed to be both and neither at the same time.

[melissasutton.livejournal.com]

(HUGS) - love ya honey =)

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Thank you, ma'am! xoxoxo

[here-2-read.livejournal.com]

Interesting how people can mislead you going for "their" version of right and truth, isn't it?

I'm glad you were able to figure this out and feel better about things.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Most of the people who misled me did not unknowingly. They were simply sharing what they believed to be true. My temperament is to believe what I am told by the influential people in my life, so as a kid, that meant I accepted what they said without question, even if it meant dismissing my own knowledge. Granted, some people were just being manipulative, but I doubt most of them were.