Can't Sleep: The Others Will Eat Me

[wlotus]

The Others is my phrase for those destructively self-critical thoughts that are never satisfied with me, no matter what or how much I do.

To hear The Others tell the story, I am a lazy person who is doomed to failure. They have a way of turning around something as potentially helpful as an inspirational, entrepreneurial article and using it to beat me about the head and shoulders. That is why it can sometimes take me a day or two to take action on good ideas I get from others; it takes me that long to get past the paralyzing sense of being Not Enough^TM before I can expend real energy on analyzing, personalizing, and applying what I have read.

As soon as I read what others are doing to, for example, promote their businesses, the accusations start. The things I have done up to that point are not enough. I am too easy on myself. I am praising myself for my "reasonable service" as though I think I deserve a medal, which, of course, is ridiculous. And then the thoughts take an even more negative turn, if that is possible. I will never amount to anything. Everyone will be disappointed in me. Those who believe in me now will look down on me sooner or later. It would probably be best, if I just quit now, because I know I'll never have the gumption to produce the way others have.

The problem with The Others not being flesh and blood (anymore) is I cannot reach out and slap them for their harrassment.

But I am learning many, many people go through this same struggle with negative self-talk. Yet they are able to push past it to achieve their goals. Rather than using the presence of The Others as yet another thing to beat myself up about--if I was really healthy and mature, I wouldn't still be having those thoughts after years of therapy--I am learning to look at the thoughts and think, "If other people can live satisfying lives and pursue their goals in spite of being plagued by such thoughts, so can I." I am not under special attack from some external force. My brain is not eating me. I am just like millions of other people who are doing their best to make it through life. That knowledge relieves some of the internal pressure and helps me keep going.

Comments

[susan402.livejournal.com]

A good reminder, thanks.

[warkitty.livejournal.com]

So True re: so many of us having The Others in our heads.


I can't tell you how many times I've gone to bed thinking I'm not good enough for whatever I have in mind, will never been good enough, will never be *whatever* enough.

I've started telling that voice "maybe not, but at least I'll have tried." After all, the real loser is the one who never enters the race, right?

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I like that approach! Do you believe it, or do you say it in the hopes that you will eventually believe it?

[warkitty.livejournal.com]

A little of both, I think.

[far-gone.livejournal.com]

I've just been reading about this, which Martha Beck calls the 'inner lizard' - and the fact that we are hard wired that way. My sister just wrote something on it on her blog, though it's in the context of work :www.lauriefoley.com

Here's another article, talking about how we are ALL wired with some of these negative messages, they're part of our evolutionary leftovers! http://marthabeck.com/blog/?p=72

I hear this stuff in my own head all the time. Sometimes it's a whisper in the background, occasionally, it's a roar. Know that you are not alone!!

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

When I think about The Others as a lizard instead of a group of respectable people, I am amused. :-) I am going to look at those links. Thanks!

[far-gone.livejournal.com]

that's so interesting! look at all the power you give them when they are respctable people! and we see them as part of our self-preserving but reptilian past when we see them as lizards! You just took away a lot of their authority!! :^*

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

The problem is The Others is the internalized representation of some of the influential people (and their destructive, though sometimes well-meaning criticism) I have encountered throughout my life. But I like seeing a bunch of lizards in robes, suits, and dresses. They become a source of amusement that way. :-)

[shutterbug.livejournal.com]

Ah, lizard brain. This is how my psychologist refers to as the fight or flight, primitive part of the brain.

[aamusedinatx.livejournal.com]

I have come to suspect that the rare times someone tells me they have no nagging, self-critical voice that plays in their ears that they are either:

1. lying
2. 'tone deaf'
3. too busy being that nagging critical voice in someone ELSE's ear and lastly
4. grossly unaware and not self-actualized

So would I rather be like them to extinguish the Other's voice in my own head? (I love that phrase, btw!)

Oh HELL no.

I'll just keep going. Defiance is what I do best.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

3. too busy being that nagging critical voice in someone ELSE's ear...

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, I know some folks like that!!!!!!

I am learning I do defiance well, too.

[heronblue.livejournal.com]

The years of therapy give you tools and skills to manage The Others, as it sounds like you are doing. Therapy will never make them go away. You obviously do have the skills-- it sounds as though you are managing to acknowledge The Others while still denying them power over your actions.

I'm still learning how to do that. I expect I always will be. It's not the kind of learning process that has an endpoint.

[ciardhapagan.livejournal.com]

Most the time in my adult years I can go Amazon on it's ass and say to that noise- shut up. There's another one- the anxious tape, that with this economy, I just have to deal with. If it starts plaguing me at night as I'm trying to go to sleep I just say to it, there's nothing I can do about it at this time, now isn't the time to worry, now is the time to sleep. It usually works.