Mopey Little Man

[wlotus]

"What I want," sulked The Teen after his mother cut his hair short, "is to get out of that school and get my [mohawk] back." His mother made it clear that his abysmal grades, due entirely to choosing not to do much of his assigned homework, have preempted his going to a barber for regular mohawk maintenance. She will spend the money on herself, instead.

I don't yet know if he will graduate with his eighth grade class next month. He turned in a (very, very late) science report rather than the required project, and his science teacher did not appreciate the lack of content/effort that went into it. I hope they do not pass him, if only to drive home the lesson that one cannot get far in life by not doing what is required. I'd rather see him repeat eighth grade there with this year's seventh graders--a humiliation he hopes to avoid--than get away with defiant laziness. He has the potential to grow into a belligerent man with no respect for authority, if this behavior is allowed to continue. As it is, he sulks home after school every day with A.T.T.I.T.U.D.E. oozing out of every pore of his body just because the world has failed to bow down and allow his continued laziness. My palms itch to go a-slappin' whenever I get near him, so I mostly keep my distance, wait, and see.

----------------
Now playing: Fletcher Henderson And His Orchestra - Stealin' Apples
http://foxytunes.com/artist/fletcher+henderson+and+his+orchestra/track/stealin+apples.

Comments

[lilrongal.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, hard lessons have to be learned.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Indeed, and it's better for him to learn when the consequences are simply a bit of humiliation over being left back, rather than losing a job or his life as an adult.

[rockbirthedme.livejournal.com]

Well, he definitely needs to learn some discipline, but I'm just wondering if there might be some issue, a learning disability or something similar, that no one has spotted. Sometimes smart kids fight schoolwork because something is interfering and making it too hard for them to cope.

What was the Teen like in elementary school? I know by about seventh grade he was having trouble, but what was he like in first, second, third?

And has he had his eyes and hearing checked recently? It might be worth trotting him to see the eye doctor and his family doctor.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I know his mom had him tested in elementary school, and the only thing that came out was something having to do with needing more time to complete exams, probably associated with an attention deficit. But he has always dragged his feet about doing his classwork and homework, even as early as first and second grade. In elementary school, his teachers would simply let it slide, because they got tired of pushing him...and frankly, I think his white teachers were not all that concerned about spending so much time and attention on one of the few black kids in that school.

The thing is that when pushed, he will produce stellar work. He does not like to write, but when ridden like a mule, complete with the application of "the rode", he will write essays that stun educators. He likes math and art, but even those grades have slipped as he simply stopped doing homework he just did not feel like doing. (He would lie about whether he'd completed all of his work, so his mom didn't find out until his report card came home.) If he was showing problems in some classes and not others, it would be one thing, but this year his grades are slipping in even his favorite courses, all due to failure to complete his work. His mother has always dropped everything to help with research or unfamiliar homework problems whenever he has asked, so it isn't a lack of support on her part. This is a pattern of not liking to do anything that does not come as easily as breathing to him.

Case in point, he played flute in fourth and fifth grade. He liked flute and had an aptitude for it. He did not like to practice and did none of it in fourth grade. He did not have a problem comprehending the music or handling the instrument; he simply did not like to stand behind a music stand for fifteen minutes a day rehearsing. In fifth grade I oversaw his daily practices by playing alongside him on my steelpan for fifteen minutes every day, and no amount of tears of bad attitude at being forced to practice would sway me. His music teacher was astounded at the difference.

Simply put, the boy is lazy, not learning-disabled and lacking in support.

[rockbirthedme.livejournal.com]

Sounds as though you have all the bases covered, and I can't think of any "sneak" learning disability that would result in refusing to put away toys.

If he's willing to lie about homework, do you think you and his teachers could set up a notebook system? Have him list his homework and ask each teacher to sign that he has everything, or to sign off if he really has nothing. That way, when you ask him about homework, he has to produce concrete evidence about what his assignments are, and you can check to make sure he's actually doing them. Then you have a better way to judge how much he is or is not doing. Of course, this does mean that you have to saddle him up every night, and I don't know to what extent you want to start letting him sink or swim on his own.

It is always deeply frustrating to have a talented child resist work and discipline in this way. You have my sympathies.

[leo8280.livejournal.com]

You say he is not lacking in support just after suggesting teachers may not want to invest effort into 'one of the few Black kids in that school.' Is he still in the same situation? Could it be that he is struggling with issues of race?

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

He is now in a predominantly black Catholic school. That is also an issue: he is rebelling against his mother's decision to take him out of his more lenient public school, away from his friends, and put him into a stricter private school.

My phone limits comment length

[leo8280.livejournal.com]

I went to a schooj with 2 Black students. 8th grade is when he started catching hell. After 9th, he transferred because it was so miserable.

Re: My phone limits comment length

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

That's horrible! Thank goodness that is not the case with The Teen.

[arkadelos.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, the best way for a person to learn and to mature is to put them in a real life situation. Once I got my job, one of the motivating factors in my life was knowing that I could get into trouble and only be responsible for myself - I don't have to worry about trouble with my parents.

Your comment "I think his white teachers were not all that concerned about spending so much time and attention on one of the few black kids in that school" sounds as though you think the issue is a racial issue. Race probably has little- to nothing- to do with the issue. The teachers probably just did not want to put up with his attitude and laziness, which you said he has. White students have behaved in the same way and have been treated the same way. I know from personal experience.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

You make a valid point. Thank you. To clarify, I don't think his laziness is caused by racism, but his elementary teachers' failure to be firmer with him and back up labyrinthnight when she pushed for more firmness contributed to him being allowed to skate along for so long.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Once he did, I announced at the top of my voice “YOUR MOMMY IS HERE TO PICK YOU UP. COME GIVE ME A BIG HUG.” Since then, he calls me as soon as he is out of school and if he was to go somewhere with his friends, then he gives me the courtesy of asking.

ROTFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's a good one!

[arkadelos.livejournal.com]

"it is hard to find the things that he truly cares about in order to punish him."

How many hobbies does he have? Maybe you can spend all summer trying to find something that really catches his interest - a special aptitude and/or hobby. To me personally, the fact that he does not have much to care about sounds like he is really apathetic toward life. With this apathy in mind, perhaps he does not see any purpose in starting or completing any of his work. This does NOT excuse his behavior, btw.

I think finding him a hobby or special aptitude would work out well for both you and him. He would have a purpose in his life and would get rid of the apathy. You would have something to reward or punish him with.