An Opening

Tonight I did my own, intuitive draw with my Motherpeace Tarot deck. I drew one card as the central theme and placed it in the center. Then I drew seven more cards and arranged them clockwise around the central card. Each card had a meaning, but two of the cards were the most relevant to me at this moment in time: the Ace of Cups and the Six of Swords.

The Six of Swords was the central card and surrounded the other three (and all other) cards. It is a drawing of six women putting their swords together to be able to fly. That card represents clearly seeing my choices and making good (but hard) decisions, often with the help of my girlfriends, who make time to lend their unique wisdom and insights. Those of you who have made the time in your busy lives to exchange intimate emails with me over the past month know who you are, and I thank you, because without you I would find flying far more difficult than it is. I think warmly of you whenever I look at that card.

The Ace of Cups' message was the most shocking to me, because it indicated a desire being fulfilled without me realizing it. The drawing is of a cup full of self-love, with a woman diving into it and two swans swimming in front of it. The card indicates I love myself and am opening my heart to others. That card shocked me, because I can clearly see it in myself. Make no mistake, I have a lot of self-love work to do. However, the love within me has been roaring whenever I manage to shake off depression long enough to stir it up. But the surprising part was seeing how my heart is more open to others, specifically towards males. Less than a week ago I told lilrongal it bothered me that I didn't have any real friendships with guys. But yesterday I realized with a start that a handful of guys from the photography club have become friends to me. They may not be friends in the same way as my girlfriends are (confidants, etc.), but as far as genuinely enjoying their company surrounding our shared interest in photography, they are nothing less than friends. We keep in touch by email and go on photo outings outside of the larger group. I don't know what moved them to include me in their adventures, but I'm grateful to be included, and they seem to enjoy my company as much as I enjoy theirs. This is an enormous shift from the distant day when I asked onceupon how she could stand to be friends with males, let alone date them!

It's been a long, tiring day. I've done a lot of inner work since very early this morning. Now it's time to let my mind and body rest.