Rethinking The God Question

I am far more comfortable claiming to not know whether God exists than to admit the truth: I believe in God and am very, very angry at God for not giving me what I repeatedly requested and desperately needed. The fact that many others seemed to get that same request granted adds insult to injury.


Morressey sang, "I have forgiven Jesus." I have been trying, but so far I have not.

When people talk about our responses or our anger when God does not answer our prayers the way we want, they often say, "God knows better than us. Don't presume to know better than God." That response does not fly with me. Indeed, it deeply offends rather than comforts me. It reminds me of all the times in my childhood when influential people claimed to know my mind, feelings, and needs in opposition to what I told them they were when I sought their assistance. "You aren't hungry; you're just saying that. No, you don't have to go to the bathroom; you just went. Yes, you *are* tired. No, you aren't tired; stay awake. You aren't ill; you just have a bad attitude because your sister is getting her braces off today and you aren't."

Bullshit. I know, have always known when I need something. How dare anyone suggest I don't know what I most need at any given moment? A childhood of that meant by the time I reached adulthood I was completely out of touch with my own feelings and would believe whatever someone I perceived as powerful told me I was "really" feeling. I am *still* working on regaining my confidence in knowing my own mind, owning my feelings, and discerning my needs without deferring to someone else's interpretations of my needs. "Don't presume to know better than God," sounds like more of that same brainwashing. It is not compassionate or benevolent. It is arrogant and an excuse to not exert oneself to meet the needs of the person requesting help.

The Type of People I Like to Keep Around Me

A friend was recently laid off from a dead-end job with no warning. Furthermore, she was cheated out of some pay and a bonus. After applying for unemployment, she applied for an accredited online university, breezed through the college entrance exam with flying colors, and was subsequently accepted into a bachelor's degree program in information technology. She will complete her degree in just under three years.

Another friend was being underpaid, overworked, and verbally abused on her dead-end job. In the middle of one of her boss' "I'm not trying to be mean, but..." speeches she quit, marched herself to the nearby city, and turned her interest in construction into enrollment in a 6-month training program. She is excelling in her training and will finish the first level in ten weeks. She intends to take a course in pediatrics when she is done, and the second level of construction training when she is done with that.

Being acquainted with people like them inspires me to keep going with my long-range goals. I ran into a hiccup in my plans yesterday, and after some sadness I am back in the saddle at double the speed with a new focus. There is progress, and behold, it is good.

When people aim to piss on us, we don't stand still!