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Sometimes I Need to Remind Myself
Sep. 16th, 2009 03:31 pmI had my paper journal with me (of course) when I attended this morning's open rehearsal for the New York Philharmonic's opening night gala. After reading the musical director's bio in the programme, I wrote this in my journal.
The new musical director for the NY Phil, Alan Gilbert, is 42. How does one get into a field they love and manage to have their hard work respected, so they can get to that level? I am 40 and unknown.
Then again, most people are not world-renown in their field.
My lack of private violin instruction when I was young need not be the end of my musical story. If I study with a private teacher for 10 years, I could be good enough for a community orchestra. I figure I am at an 8- or 9-year-old's level on the instrument; 10 years of study will put me musically at age 18, mature enough to join a community orchestra. It may not be the NY Philharmonic or Chicago Symphony, and I may never be premier soloist material. My name probably will never be known on the world stage, but most people never make a dent on that level. What's important is whether I love what I do, not who knows and approves of me outside of myself.
It would be nice to have the fame and respect of Alan Gilbert, Janet Jackson, or Sade. But it's time for me to grow up...and I mean that in a loving way, not in the way others have shot, "Grow up!" at me when my behavior does not match their expectations. I mean to say it is time I stopped judging my worth as a person by my childhood fantasies of being famous and adored on a global scale. Am I living life honestly? Does my behavior match my values, and if not, am I taking steps to correct the disparity? Do I treat others with respect and compassion as much as possible? These are the things by which I ought to judge my life, and living this way will help me recognize my inherent worth as a person.
The new musical director for the NY Phil, Alan Gilbert, is 42. How does one get into a field they love and manage to have their hard work respected, so they can get to that level? I am 40 and unknown.
Then again, most people are not world-renown in their field.
My lack of private violin instruction when I was young need not be the end of my musical story. If I study with a private teacher for 10 years, I could be good enough for a community orchestra. I figure I am at an 8- or 9-year-old's level on the instrument; 10 years of study will put me musically at age 18, mature enough to join a community orchestra. It may not be the NY Philharmonic or Chicago Symphony, and I may never be premier soloist material. My name probably will never be known on the world stage, but most people never make a dent on that level. What's important is whether I love what I do, not who knows and approves of me outside of myself.
It would be nice to have the fame and respect of Alan Gilbert, Janet Jackson, or Sade. But it's time for me to grow up...and I mean that in a loving way, not in the way others have shot, "Grow up!" at me when my behavior does not match their expectations. I mean to say it is time I stopped judging my worth as a person by my childhood fantasies of being famous and adored on a global scale. Am I living life honestly? Does my behavior match my values, and if not, am I taking steps to correct the disparity? Do I treat others with respect and compassion as much as possible? These are the things by which I ought to judge my life, and living this way will help me recognize my inherent worth as a person.
