Remember Who You Are!
Feb. 24th, 2010 12:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wlotusI watched RuPaul's Drag Race: Reunited! (Reunion Special), and towards the end of the show the drag queens had a chance to judge the judges. A few of them complained about what felt like overly harsh criticism from the judges. They talked about feeling like dirt and disliking the negativity. "We know the world is negative," one of them said, "so why must this show feed into the negativity?"
After a minute or two of both defending the judges and encouraging the queens, RuPaul worked himself into a fine rant. "That's just their opinion!" he all but shouted more than once. "If you felt low, it's because you forgot who you are!" He told them that he'd be ridiculously wealthy, if he had a dollar for every time someone criticized him, didn't agree with his drag persona, or didn't think he could make it as a drag queen. He admitted the self-doubt is never going to go away, but you snap back from it faster each time, if you believe in and remember your own fabulousness, no matter what anyone else says, no matter who criticizes some aspect of your public presentation. "Your happiness is not my responsibility!" he said at one point. "It's yours! You have to know who you are! I can't tell you you are fabulous; you have to know it for yourself!"
While I would prefer a world where people give criticism in the gentle, thoughtful way I prefer to deliver it, I appreciate where RuPaul is coming from. In the past, I have driven myself nearly insane trying to remake myself and various aspects of my life just to please critics. I have questioned myself and my worth more times than I care to remember, just because a boss or a peer did not see value in what I had done. If I was dismissed from their presence in the aftermath of the criticism, especially if I'd tried very hard to please them, the doubts grew roots. I have carried those doubts with me for months or years after the fact.
I had forgotten who I am.
Now, though, thanks to RuPaul's rant, I am newly inspired to remember.
I don't have to dismiss every criticism that comes my way; sometimes there is value in the criticism. It doesn't mean I am not fabulous, and it sure doesn't mean the critic is any more fabulous than I am. It means they had an opinion, and after some reflection, I found something of value in their opinion and chose to adapt their opinion to fit my view of myself, not the other way around. Or it may be that upon reflection, I decide their opinion does not fit my view of myself. In that case, I can remember that is their opinion, not a statement of my worth as a person. Then I can discard their feedback as I classily "sashay away" (as they say on RuPaul's Drag Race) to find someplace where my offerings will be properly appreciated. But whether I find something of value in their opinion or not, whether they appreciate what I have to offer or not, whether they choose to dismiss me from their presence or not, I remain fabulous and what I bring to the table remains valuable.
Because that is who I am.
Do you remember who you are?
After a minute or two of both defending the judges and encouraging the queens, RuPaul worked himself into a fine rant. "That's just their opinion!" he all but shouted more than once. "If you felt low, it's because you forgot who you are!" He told them that he'd be ridiculously wealthy, if he had a dollar for every time someone criticized him, didn't agree with his drag persona, or didn't think he could make it as a drag queen. He admitted the self-doubt is never going to go away, but you snap back from it faster each time, if you believe in and remember your own fabulousness, no matter what anyone else says, no matter who criticizes some aspect of your public presentation. "Your happiness is not my responsibility!" he said at one point. "It's yours! You have to know who you are! I can't tell you you are fabulous; you have to know it for yourself!"
While I would prefer a world where people give criticism in the gentle, thoughtful way I prefer to deliver it, I appreciate where RuPaul is coming from. In the past, I have driven myself nearly insane trying to remake myself and various aspects of my life just to please critics. I have questioned myself and my worth more times than I care to remember, just because a boss or a peer did not see value in what I had done. If I was dismissed from their presence in the aftermath of the criticism, especially if I'd tried very hard to please them, the doubts grew roots. I have carried those doubts with me for months or years after the fact.
I had forgotten who I am.
Now, though, thanks to RuPaul's rant, I am newly inspired to remember.
I don't have to dismiss every criticism that comes my way; sometimes there is value in the criticism. It doesn't mean I am not fabulous, and it sure doesn't mean the critic is any more fabulous than I am. It means they had an opinion, and after some reflection, I found something of value in their opinion and chose to adapt their opinion to fit my view of myself, not the other way around. Or it may be that upon reflection, I decide their opinion does not fit my view of myself. In that case, I can remember that is their opinion, not a statement of my worth as a person. Then I can discard their feedback as I classily "sashay away" (as they say on RuPaul's Drag Race) to find someplace where my offerings will be properly appreciated. But whether I find something of value in their opinion or not, whether they appreciate what I have to offer or not, whether they choose to dismiss me from their presence or not, I remain fabulous and what I bring to the table remains valuable.
Because that is who I am.
Do you remember who you are?
