Remember Who You Are!

[wlotus]

I watched RuPaul's Drag Race: Reunited! (Reunion Special), and towards the end of the show the drag queens had a chance to judge the judges. A few of them complained about what felt like overly harsh criticism from the judges. They talked about feeling like dirt and disliking the negativity. "We know the world is negative," one of them said, "so why must this show feed into the negativity?"

After a minute or two of both defending the judges and encouraging the queens, RuPaul worked himself into a fine rant. "That's just their opinion!" he all but shouted more than once. "If you felt low, it's because you forgot who you are!" He told them that he'd be ridiculously wealthy, if he had a dollar for every time someone criticized him, didn't agree with his drag persona, or didn't think he could make it as a drag queen. He admitted the self-doubt is never going to go away, but you snap back from it faster each time, if you believe in and remember your own fabulousness, no matter what anyone else says, no matter who criticizes some aspect of your public presentation. "Your happiness is not my responsibility!" he said at one point. "It's yours! You have to know who you are! I can't tell you you are fabulous; you have to know it for yourself!"

While I would prefer a world where people give criticism in the gentle, thoughtful way I prefer to deliver it, I appreciate where RuPaul is coming from. In the past, I have driven myself nearly insane trying to remake myself and various aspects of my life just to please critics. I have questioned myself and my worth more times than I care to remember, just because a boss or a peer did not see value in what I had done. If I was dismissed from their presence in the aftermath of the criticism, especially if I'd tried very hard to please them, the doubts grew roots. I have carried those doubts with me for months or years after the fact.

I had forgotten who I am.

Now, though, thanks to RuPaul's rant, I am newly inspired to remember.

I don't have to dismiss every criticism that comes my way; sometimes there is value in the criticism. It doesn't mean I am not fabulous, and it sure doesn't mean the critic is any more fabulous than I am. It means they had an opinion, and after some reflection, I found something of value in their opinion and chose to adapt their opinion to fit my view of myself, not the other way around. Or it may be that upon reflection, I decide their opinion does not fit my view of myself. In that case, I can remember that is their opinion, not a statement of my worth as a person. Then I can discard their feedback as I classily "sashay away" (as they say on RuPaul's Drag Race) to find someplace where my offerings will be properly appreciated. But whether I find something of value in their opinion or not, whether they appreciate what I have to offer or not, whether they choose to dismiss me from their presence or not, I remain fabulous and what I bring to the table remains valuable.

Because that is who I am.

Do you remember who you are?

Comments

[runningnekkid.livejournal.com]

It's always been my philosophy that if someone's criticism wounds you deeply, it's because you don't have faith in the aspect of yourself that they have criticized. You then have to take a look at that self doubt and either realize that you need to improve on something *for yourself* or that you are actually okay with yourself in that aspect, and their critique was just their opinion. They're entitled to it, but not entitled to change your personality.

That philosophy has helped me find a tremendous deal of personal growth. I have evaluated many things about myself, and have made improvements that I can. I accept myself for everything else, including the things that I'm still working on.

And god bless RuPaul. I can totally envision this rant, and it makes me smile.

EDIT: Okay, so maybe not "always" my philosophy. But for awhile now. And I'm grateful that I found this way of thinking.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Your philosophy makes sense to me. Thank you.

[audrabaudra.livejournal.com]

"It's always been my philosophy that if someone's criticism wounds you deeply, it's because you don't have faith in the aspect of yourself that they have criticized."

That is wisdom itself. Thanks for sharing your philosophy because it is SO grounded and full of truth!

[shutterbug.livejournal.com]

As they say in FB: "Like"

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

It's funny how a "Like" button could come in very handy for people's posts.

[scream4noreason.livejournal.com]

Through my recent breakup my one mantra has been "remember Who You Are".

I could not quiet the noise in my head and all the negative self talk until I boiled everything down to that one feeling and when i meditated on what had happened and how I was going to get through it, that one line stuck with me and i repeated it to myself over and over.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

What do you think of when you think of who you are? I sat down tonight and wrote a list of things I am good at in my paper journal; that will help me remember who I am.

[acoustics1220.livejournal.com]

:) I liked this entry, just haven't had the time to go through the flist to comment.