So Simple, It's Funny

[wlotus]

The trick to having a good morning (very little anxiety) is to remain fired up about whatever fired me up the evening before. My anxiety levels tend to be low in the evenings, so that is when I am most productive and on fire about whatever project I am working on. Something about waking up in the morning sets off my anxiety buttons. But if I spend my first waking moments recalling and writing in my paper journal about whatever fired me up the evening before, the anxiety is replaced with (or at least chased into a corner by) excitement, self-validation, and a sense of purpose. I made meaningful progress in some personal projects last night, so this morning I reviewed that and feel happy.

My paper journal lately has been an explosion of color and doodlings. I am taking advantage of the unlined pages of my large Moleskine reporters notebook and writing in any and every direction imaginable, in any and every color of my art markers. I draw flowers connected by swirly lines around connected thoughts, to separate them from new threads. I insert notes between columns. I change colors to underline and circle key words for emphasis. I draw hearts in the empty spaces. I doodle myself, rather than making simple smiley faces. Opening my paper journal is fun, because the colors and illustrations jump out at me. I did this a little bit during the first half of last year, but nowhere on the level I am doing it, now. I am much freer in mind and spirit, now, and it shows in my doodlings. Then I felt uncomfortable filling a page that way, instead of in neatly written lines of ink from my fountain pen. Now the structured writing feels stifling, and the unstructured color explosion looks and feels like me.

It's good to be me. :-)

Comments

[onceupon.livejournal.com]

I think this is a really cool technique! I might have to try it.

Have you check out the plethora of books (http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=art+journaling) about art journaling? That sounds totally like what you are doing, which is very rad.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I may have heard of it long ago and forgotten...I'll check it out! Thanks!

[onceupon.livejournal.com]

You betcha!

Art journaling is really amazing - I'm just not that good at being free form on the page. I think it's because I'm not generally in love with my handwriting. You do a lot of stuff by hand, though, which I think is enviable!

[queen-in-autumn.livejournal.com]

It's funny: my emotional pattern is exactly the opposite of yours. I always feel more optimistic and confident in the mornings. The later at night it gets, the more stressed and pessimistic I get.
In fact, I've learned to never take seriously any fears that only arise after 10pm.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Are you a night owl or a morning person? I am a night owl, so I am not surprised my emotions are more optimistic at night than when the sun is up.

Another interesting pattern I have just noticed is that daytime in the past has often meant interacting with very unpleasant people. Late nights meant being able to be myself without constant criticism. I wonder if that has more to do with my anxiety patterns than my being a natural night owl.

[verucas-chaos.livejournal.com]

It's good to "hear" you say "it's good to be me"!

[arkadelos.livejournal.com]

It's good to see you taking positive steps. I remember my mom made me write down a list of 25 positive things. She divided it into categories - what to be thankful for, what I like about myself, etc.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Was that an exercise to help you out of a slump? Did it help?

[arkadelos.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was depressed for a few years after high school. It helped me try to look for better things. It certainly made me realize how negative my outlook was and how much I needed to change it.