I Could Get Used to This

[wlotus]

I could get used to this working for myself thing. For starters, there is no boss looking at my numbers or my actions and judging me for everything I do or don't do. There is no one saying my initiative is anything but that. There is no one undermining my work, expecting me to read their minds on a daily basis, or withholding information I need in order to do my job. All I have to do is get up in the morning and, for better or worse, do what needs to be done...if it doesn't work in the long run, I'll just try something else. It remains to be seen whether I can make a living this way, but I am determined to have fun trying.

I have a few balls in the air, my photography, of course, still being one of them. labyrinthnight asked if I've ever thought of putting together a portfolio and trying to get a job as a photographer. I'm glad she brought it up, because it gave me a chance to discuss with her and clarify my previously unformed thoughts on the subject.

My problem is that I have not yet figured out where to go with the thought. I even have a difficult time classifying my photography; I say it is fine art, because I see it as something to hang on people's walls rather than something to go into a magazine or newspaper, but that designation feels too broad to use, for some reason. Without having a niche, I don't know how to sell myself...and even if I had a niche, I have no idea whom to sell myself to! I also feel like I could use more training...at the very least a digital darkroom and a lighting course or two. So right now I am stumbling around in the dark, making good photos from time to time, working on building my stock photography portfolio for Alamy, and occasionally selling a print on Etsy. I'm very happy with what I've done with my photography since September of 2007, and I can hardly wait to see what more I will be able to do when I upgrade my camera in a couple of weeks.

I am not worried about it, though. As I rapidly approach my 40th birthday--a month and a day to go!--I feel this is my time to reinvent my life. Last year was primarily spent reinventing my self. I am more self-aware and self-confident now than I was a year ago, two days after I lost my job as a hardware engineer. No longer afraid to try new things, I'm exploring my interests to see what will work best for me, what I can make work for me. Photography remains my passion, and supporting myself by it remains my dream. Working for myself has become my primary goal. Doing work that involves meaningful interactions with people has moved to the forefront of my mind. We'll see what I can make of this mishmash of ideas and desires over the next decade of my life.

I fully expect the next ten years to be far more fulfilling than the last ten!

Comments

[aamusedinatx.livejournal.com]

Welcome to Entrepreneurship!

I am so very proud of you!! And I wish you the greatest success in your working endeavor!

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[jadegirl.livejournal.com]

Just my thoughts, to take or leave as you will - your portraiture *really* stands out to me, you've got a particular gift for taking intimate, insightful, knowing portraits - perhaps an angle to examine?

(Also, if you know anybody who needs a cleaning girl, could you point them my way? Sir got moved to hourly from salaried, so we're risking paychecks of zero. I need to be able to backfill in a hurry, and my office-related resume is ten years out of date, which is just not going to get me a second glance in this market.)

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I like portraiture, particularly candid, available-light portraiture. I'll definitely look into this more. (Truth be told, I have been intimidated by that field.) Thanks for the suggestion.

I'm sorry about this change in his work status. I'll definitely keep you in mind.

[shutterbug.livejournal.com]

I wanna get you something for your upcoming birthday. Email me a wish list!

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Ooooo! Thank you! *combs brain for ideas*

[arkadelos.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on your photography! I give you my best wishes for the next ten years. *hugs*

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[tively-split.livejournal.com]

It's a bit lame to say 'me too', but I hope your next ten years *will* be more fulfilling, and I do hope you'll be able to realize your dream of supporting yourself with your photography. Good luck!

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

It is not lame at all! I appreciate the support very much. Thank you.

[scream4noreason.livejournal.com]

Ive re-read this post a couple of times this week,as I find myself in a similar space.

I have also just turned 40.I have had some bad experiences with employers in the last couple of years and I have just no more energy to devote to making somebody else wealthy.I have no more effort to give to people who do not appreciate it.I have considerable artistic gifts(as do you) but like you I am unaware who to launch them at.

I also feel as if I am able to reinvent my life and what I do and how I do it post 40.It's an exciting time and your bullshit-o-meter is generally finely tuned by this age.

I look forward to reading your journey....

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Your comment warmed my heart. I know a few people in the same place you and I are in.

For Christmas, my cousin bought me an art portfolio. This week I have started to fill it with my best and favorite photos. While I have no idea who to show it to, I do know what I would like to go in it, so I'll focus on that step for now. I'll figure out or stumble upon whom to present it to, later. :-)

Have you written at all about what you are doing to reinvent your life and how you got to this place? I am very interested in reading your journey, too.

[here-2-read.livejournal.com]

It's wonderful to see you so happy. I've been reading your journal for years now and it seems like you've finally found peace.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

We have read one another's blogs for...longer than I can remember. :-) I don't even remember how we met! But I remember what I felt about my life back when I first started blogging, and yes, I have found peace. I am glad I no longer have to wonder what this would feel like.