(no subject)

I haven't been posting about politics, partly because I have all but given up on the political scene in this country. I read articles that keep me abreast on what is really going on, and that is about it. I rarely join organized activities to try to affect any sort of change one way or another. I am no longer registered with a political party. I took my email address off most political action lists, including those of so-called "feminist" organizations. The organizations and other citizens of this country are going to do what they want to do, and judging from the direction they have chosen to go in and the leadership they chose, my opinion doesn't matter one way or another.

That's not to say I don't care. I do, and deeply. And that is my problem. If I didn't care as much as I do, I would be willing to keep beating my head against that brick wall. I wouldn't be so angry.

The strange thing, though, is I am not afraid, anymore, of what will happen to the country. I don't feel like my lack of participation is going to send the country to hell in a hand-basket or cause me to lose rights over my body or any of the horrible things people have told me would happen, if I opted out of the political process. My not being much involved doesn't change anything in the grand scheme of things. But in my personal life, it decreases my stress levels to focus on surviving whatever will be, rather than sacrificing my life to try and stop a moving train. I'll just hunker down, do what I need to do in order to survive, and watch the world do what it wishes. And if anyone doesn't like that, especially anyone who didn't like my political stance when I actively expressed it...well, you do the work. Why should I work to support your agenda and your president when you so ferociously opposed my views? You got the leadership you wanted; take responsibility for it. You work with it, oppose what you don't like of it, and champion what you approve of. Unless and until the leadership of this country more accurately reflects my concerns or I immigrate, I'm just along for the ride.

What's that? That isn't what you wanted? You wanted my energy behind you, not pulled out altogether? You should have thought about that before you tried to shut me up by hollering (in so many words), "Get in line!"

Being An Adult...

...means recognizing a teaching moment when The Teen mentions peers teasing a former schoolmate about being bipolar. He didn't know what it is, and now he does. He also knows it is something that is serious and treatable and not to be laughed about.

I need a stiff drink.

Sometimes It's Better for Daddy to Not Be There

There is a new play in the area called "Where's My Daddy?". It addresses the issue of absentee fathers by telling the story of two teens who are dealing with a father who is no longer playing a role in their lives. I cringed when I heard about the play and read the synopsis online. It isn't that that message is not truthful; they are right to tell men to take an active role in taking care of their families, especially in the black community, where many men are not taking care of the children they conceived. But I cringed and thought, "Here is something else for some men to use as an excuse to force their way into their children's lives when they are an unhealthy force in the family."

I had an ex who fell into that category. He had two sons by his ex-wife. After a domestic violence incident--if the story he told me is correct, they were both to blame--she got an order of protection against him. In spite of that, when he got good and ready, he visited her apartment building every day and asked to be let in. He rang the bell day after day until she finally (unwisely) let him back in. When I asked him why he had done that he said something about needing to take responsibility for being there for his sons. He didn't want to be an absentee father; it wasn't the "godly" thing to do.

I suppose ignoring an order of protection was the "godly, healthy, responsible" thing to do, eh?

When I hear reports claiming the downturn in society is due to absent fathers, when I hear religious dogma insisting the divine idea of family always includes a father and mother with the children, when I hear of plays like this one, I think about the men who will use that as an excuse to give their exes guilt trips about leaving/putting him out for his abhorrent (though he would never admit it) behavior. What I would like to hear is a more balanced view of society. I want to hear about how chosen family of either sex can provide the role models for children whose fathers are not around. I want to hear about the uncles and cousins and neighbors and Big Brothers who step up to provide positive male role models for those kids. I want to hear about the kids from single-parent homes who do well for themselves in life because of those support systems.

I am tired of the patriarchal claims that kids from homes without a father are doomed, especially if they are black. That isn't the whole truth. Let's face it: when daddy is a womanizing, lying, abusing, financially irresponsible person, it is far healthier for the children that daddy is not there. Having him there won't make the kids suddenly graduate high school with honors and go on to be white-collar professionals; it is more likely they will follow his lead and grow up to be womanizing/ed, lying, abusing/ed, and financially irresponsible. Having him absent will leave that child open to the influence of other, responsible, positive men.

Where are the plays about that, I wonder?