Thoughts While Waiting for the Train

[wlotus]

I have not done much in the photography realm; before yesterday, the last thing I did was make photos of myself after I cut my hair. The truth is I have felt overwhelmed to the point of feeling uninspired.

I feel guilty for not doing more with my photography talent. I am not entering every contest whose call for entries crosses my inbox. Right now I am not updating my Etsy shoppe. I am not renting booths at craft fairs, pursuing commissions and clients, or advertising. I haven't given up on marketing my photography; I simply haven't felt driven to do any of that right now. As a result, I feel as though I am wasting my talent, because I am not doing extraordinary things with it. If this train of thought feels familiar, it is because I am in danger of doing the same thing with my photography that I've done in the past with my professional life.

That is the problem right there: my belief that I am supposed to transform myself into something "extraordinary". What is wrong with developing and enjoying and sharing my talent simply for the joy of doing so? I gladly accept whatever clients or commissions come my way, but why must I push myself to seek others and berate myself for not passionately pursuing fame? Why must I attempt to have a "voice"?

What if just being myself, doing my own thing, and allowing my own voice to come through is extraordinary?

The more I think about it, the more it seems that is what most of the independent artists/bloggers I enjoy are doing: expressing themselves in their own way. In some cases fame has found them, but they were just being themselves, not actively seeking fame. The ones who became famous became so, not because they were trying to rope in fame, but because someone appreciated their normal voice.

Yesterday I went with friends to Central Park. The weather was warm and sunny, and I took my camera. I promised myself I would enjoy my time in the park and make whatever photos I pleased. I did not worry about making a statement or finding a niche. I did not worry about making myself into some kind of "extraordinary" or making marketable photos. I simply relaxed and enjoyed myself, and that was not a waste of my talent at all.


Bicycle Taxi Driver in Central Park

Comments

[arkadelos.livejournal.com]

It seems to me that you are not establishing your own goals or benchmarks. You are letting outside sources establish them for you. Where do you want to go with your photography? Do you personally want it to be a hobby, or do your ambitions lie elsewhere? Is fame important to you personally, or is it important because society seems to think so?

I think a part of your problem is in this sentence:
"Why must I attempt to have a "voice"?"
Are you questioning whether or not you have a voice?
Are you questioning whether or not to maintain your voice?
Everyone has a voice. I gather from this sentence that you believe if you are not famous, then you do not have a voice - only the famous have voices. But this is wrong. Everyone has a voice. Every single individual regardless of where they are in life has a voice. A voice is synomynous with individuality; thus to have a voice is to recognize the individuality of the person. The only key thing that matters is what you want to say.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

The idea is that I already have a voice, but I have mistakenly thought I have to find one. (That is why I put the word "voice" in quotes.) That mindset comes from believing everyone is special but me, and that is wrong.

[mhgagnon.livejournal.com]

"What if just being myself, doing my own thing, and allowing my own voice to come through is extraordinary?"

Yes...!

And I really like your photography. Especially love that first one.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Thank you. That first one was just me being whimsical, which is something I intend to give myself permission to be more often. ("On a regular basis, damn it!" demands my soul!)

This theme is one that keeps coming up in my life: being myself is good and right and magical. It's something that I think is in the process of passing from my brain, through my neck, and into my heart. I have heard, "Be yourself!" all of my life, but I must have gotten a lot of mixed messages with that message, because I never quite believed being myself was good enough. I am getting there, though.

[queen-in-autumn.livejournal.com]

What if just being myself, doing my own thing, and allowing my own voice to come through is extraordinary?

I think it is.

Thank you for the reminder.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

This, more than anything, is why I share these kinds of musings in my blog: I figure someone else needs the reminder/encouragement as much as I needed to remember it, myself.

You are very welcomed.

[thenextthree.livejournal.com]

Yes, you are extraordinary. I have been reading your blog and watching your photography for several years. You already have an amazing "voice", it's just that you have not been able to hear it.

Having said that...I don't know much about the photography field, but I do know alot about social media and marketing. Nowadays, you don't HAVE to beat your head against a wall to sell a product. If you haven't seen it already, I would suggest reading/subscribing to the Art of Nonconformity. http://chrisguillebeau.com/ He's got a great (free!) download about becoming an "overnight" blogging success (key - it's not really overnight!) ;) You probably have no idea how large your built-in audience already is...

Pick a theme that interests you and go for it - not with the idea of becoming "famous" or having a "voice". Something that simply brings you joy. Maybe you photograph EVERY parade in new york or coffee shops that start with the letter X or every cathedral built before 1910 or old women who live between 5th and 14th or...the possibilities are endless. What fascinates YOU? Chances are if it fascinates you, it will fascinate others as well. Your writing is clear, moving, and evocative and your photography is beautiful. If you want to do this, I don't think a person like you will operate from a project plan (I must do A, B, and C and here are the dates I must do them) I think you probably operate most successfully from an organic and creative space. Do what you love and the money will come - I do believe that. Work at making the money from something you love - and you will stop loving it. As tight as things are financially right now, if you can hold on and give yourself a chance to create without the pressure of making it "IT" - you might be surprised.

Geez. sorry for the small novel. Sometimes I get a little wordy. ;)

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

You probably have no idea how large your built-in audience already is...

You are probably right. For example, I have no idea who you are and have had no idea you were reading me. :-) I'm flattered you have been though. Thank you.

I appreciate your small novel, though. You're absolutely right about me and project plans; as far as my creative pursuits go, I do better without them. And like the theme suggestions you gave. I'm going to think of some more. Thanks again!

[acoustics1220.livejournal.com]

Love the pictures.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I have some more I plan to post, tomorrow.

[kdotdammit.livejournal.com]

This is such a great post. Thank you so much for it. I struggle with these things every freaking day of my life.

What is wrong with developing and enjoying and sharing my talent simply for the joy of doing so?

That is what I'm trying to reconcile with. I reach people. I affect them. They read me. They look at my art. It has impact. What more do I want? Why do I keep torturing myself to do things that my life presently does not allow me to do?

Thanks for this, comrade. Let me tell you this, by writing this out, you just had profound impact on people who are struggling with the same things. So there's your success right there!

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I particularly like that first one- with the unusual angle and the cropping. It stands out. It makes you stop and wonder, "now what's going on here?"

[smileyali.livejournal.com]

Crises of confidence are horrible. I love doing my poetry and love putting it out there in public, love performing, and to keep producing new stuff I need to keep in the forefront of my head the belief that I am good at it. At those times when that belief crumbles, those are the times I need to just do it, jot something down, keep moving and hoping and wishing ...