Death Makes Me Think

[wlotus]

It is challenging to balance my understandable dread of inevitably losing more loved ones (particularly T) with making the most of each and every moment I have with them. Right now I feel more of the fear than anything else.

When I was unhappily single and happily coupled people did not seem to have much compassion for the pain some single people felt, I would remind them that being coupled means that unless you die first, you will be single at some point in the future. With that in mind, I'd encourage them to both make the most of their partner's presence and have compassion for those who were unhappily single. Because when they become suddenly single they'd want someone to have compassion for them.

For the past month I have felt inspired to make the most of each moment with my loved ones. My challenge now that I have lost my uncle in this manner is not letting my mindfulness be overwhelmed by fear of loss. I want to be mindful, not clingy and afraid of every sneeze or cough or stumble or moment of silence from T.

It ain't easy.

Comments

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

I am tempted to do the same thing you did when you lost your best friend, except I know that is not the answer. Not only would it hurt my loved ones to have me push them away just to spare my own heart in the future, it would hurt me to be alone/lonely in the world, all because I was too afraid of loss to dare to love.

I like the idea of moving along with life. :-) It's a delicate balance for me, because I've been socialized to brush off feelings like this fear I have of losing the ones I love. I'm supposed to be strong and not mention such things, so I won't annoy the people around me or be accused of being "fearful". But my fear is valid and needs to be honored. At the same time, I need to be careful not let it keep me from living and loving and enjoying life with my loved ones while it lasts.

Come to think of it, I suppose that tension between fear and love is part of what makes love so delicious. :-)

[acoustics1220.livejournal.com]

Understandably. You'll get through this. *hugs*

[queenlyzard.livejournal.com]

*nods* I hear you. I actually tend to have something similar with fear of my own death... sometimes, it keeps me from being able to simply live and enjoy life. I'm working on it.

[greenminions.livejournal.com]

Death is one of my biggest fears. Both my own and that of my loved ones. Yes, sometimes it is easier to not get close to people because of it. But I think the best advice is to find the few you hold dearly and hold them even closer.