When A Natural Tendency Does Not Serve Me Well

[wlotus]

I am thinking forever about certain things rather than taking things a day at a time. I have a natural tendency to do that; I did it as a child and would drive my parents crazy with it, at times. For example, here are things I fear right now:

1. Never being healthily slim/toned, no matter how much I exercise and eat healthily.
2. Never making a comfortable living outside of working a soul-sucking job for someone else.

I am not interested in justifying either of the desires underlying those fears to anyone. I am, however, interested, in learning how to change my tendency to think "negative forever" so it no longer haunts me and keeps me feeling a low-level of stress and fear every waking moment. Does anyone have any ideas?

Comments

[arkadelos.livejournal.com]

Have you tried praying as you go to sleep?

As for your physical appearance, you do look healthy in all the pictures you've posted of yourself. So, there's probably not much left to change.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

The concept of prayer confuses me. Sometimes I pray...but I am not convinced anyone is listening or cares, and that uncertainty causes me more distress than comfort.

[arkadelos.livejournal.com]

Prayer can be more of a psychological tool than anything else, more like a mantra.

If you repeat, "I am happy, cheerful, and self-confident" in a relaxed tone as you sleep and also call forth those feelings, then you actually will become happy, cheerful, and self-confident.

[gwendally.livejournal.com]

We tend to envision a future that integrates our experiences from the past.

My best suggestion for how to change your attitude is to set yourself up to succeed somehow.

Several years ago I did a Body for Life program: 84 days, 12 weeks, where I ate what I was supposed to and exercised according to a regimen and blogged everyday in a support network. I set measurable, achievable goals and then went out and did it.

And I got healthier and lost fat.

Now I know I can do it. I know what it takes. Whether I *choose* to do it or not is another question - but I know my future can contain being healthy and fit because I know it's within my power to do that.

The same can be said for succeeding in business, although I have to tell you it took more than 84 days. I envisioned a future I wanted, I thought about how to get there, then I set off on a quest. I saved up money, went back to grad school full-time for two years, used the placement office at grad school to get me a high-powered internship, worked as a slave for three years, and then opened my own business, a mere five years after conceiving the plan. I was 31 when I went back to grad school and 36 when I opened my business.

I was 37 when I discovered how to feed and exercise my body, FWIW.

So the other message is that's there's time. (I don't recall how old you are, so maybe I'm a whippersnapper here!)

I'm editing to bring out another concept: the difference between a dream (or a fear) is a plan. You set a goal, yes, but then you have to think it through. WHAT will it take to have what you want? What will you have to give up? What is that going to do to the other structures you have in place? What will it look like when you have a set-back? How do you get back on track? Failure happens to us all. The ones that achieve things know that, plan for it, and use the failures to tweak their plans as they go along.

For example, I know I eat at 9 PM and 4 PM, so any plan to lose weight by controlling calories MUST account for meal-snacks at that point. Otherwise, I'll fail and stay failed.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

There's a lot of useful information for me to process from your comment. Thanks!

[jadegirl.livejournal.com]

I do that a lot to. When I find myself saying those things in my mind, I try to gently correct myself, reminding myself of the things I have done/am doing to move to my goals. It's not 100%, but I think it's a habit, and any habit can be changed.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

Yes, thanks. At the time I wrote the post I thought I should be able to stop the thoughts all of the time, forever, amen. :-) (More forever thinking, anyone?) If I remember to take it an occurrance at a time, I'll be less likely to get overwhelmed by the thoughts and can push forward with my goals, in spite of them.

[rockbirthedme.livejournal.com]

As a fellow "auugh, the future!" thinker, I have some ideas. They help me a little bit, but as I have nearly forty years of negative thinking to wear away, it's slow progress. One step at a time.

As someone above said, forming goals helps. Personally, I'd write them down (I already have a set, and I need to go back and look at them, because I need to rewrite them). Remember to do everything from daily to long-term. Frequently check them to see which ones you've met or are meeting. For instance, I know you have a daily call goal that you're meeting. Pat on the back! Haul out the sticker chart!

When you find yourself thinking doom, try self-talk. Actually say the words in your head, or out loud, and tell yourself that the negative future you're envisioning doesn't have to come true. Remind yourself of your goals and the things you're doing to meet them. Then very deliberately shove the negative thoughts aside and think about something more immediately relevant -- and positive.

[balmofgilead.livejournal.com]

What you describe in that second paragraph reminds me a lot of the Getting Things Done (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Getting_Things_Done) system, which involves having everything recorded somewhere and regularly reviewing goals. It seems great to me, though I haven't gotten it fully implemented/working for myself so I can't recommend it personally. I've heard the idea that when worries about things invade your thoughts, you can sort of tell them "I'm dealing with you! You're on my list/in the system and I have a plan!" and tell them to go go away.

[faerie-spark.livejournal.com]

I am also a thinnker, even, if I may say, an over-thinker. Often, I think so much about things, worry, fuss, and stress about them, that I don't take any action.
This doesn't directly address the specific things you are worrying about, but my therapist made a very helpful suggestion to me the other week which popped into my head upon reading your entry.

She suggested that I remind myself every day that I have choices, notnecesarily specific choices, but choices. I think this might help you feel more empowered. I already find it making a difference for me.

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

That is a VERY empowering thought. Thank you.

[verucas-chaos.livejournal.com]

The best advice I can give you is that I have found that time is pretty much irrelevant in my growth process. Ironically, the only way I grew to know that is through age...which is time...I read a lot too. I find strength in story mainly (you know how I feel about the Alchemist), but sometimes in books that are meant for more than story like Callings.

Did you happen to watch Michael J. Fox speciall last week? Whether his story moves you or not or whether one is a pessimist or an optimist, I found some of what was presented was interesting. If you want to know more, let me know and I'll email you. I don't want to take up your space!

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

As a matter of fact, I had wanted to catch that special and forgot about it! Please share!

[acoustics1220.livejournal.com]

I don't know if this could help you, BUT, I've found that making a couple of daily goals and ACCOMPLISHING them does amazing things for me. I also made BIG GOALS this year, and I'm accomplishing them (slowly, but surely). Like finally getting to purchase a 160 Gig ipod from an online friend. I was able to do that after 4 months of saving money and got it last Tuesday (it's AWESOME!!!)

I also made a goal of moving out by summer, and it's going right on schedule. I faxed in a lease agreement contract earlier, and we've got these two houses that we're waiting for answers on (and utility bills for the last year). I'm quite excited. QUITE EXCITED ♥

Again, I'm not sure how this would help really, but I can't help but share how awesome it feels to set these goals and know I've 'accomplished' something for the day. I hope things become easier for you somehow, and really, maybe just really really try to push the idea of keeping perspective. The world was not conquered in a day. (And I don't want that to come across as 'buck up' or 'man up', not at all - just don't push so hard).

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

While setting and accomplishing goals doesn't change my negative what if thoughts about other issues, it is a very satisfying thing to do!

And congratulations to you on your achievements!!!!

[acoustics1220.livejournal.com]

*sigh* If I were you, I'd be so totally annoyed with myself. LOL

[wlotus.livejournal.com]

LOL! I am actually relieved to not be annoyed at myself at the moment. I have more than enough on my plate without mentally beating myself up, and it wouldn't help me live through the negative thoughts, anyway. So far I have done well with remaining compassionate and gentle with myself. It helps to know that other people experience the same thing; they simply don't let it stop them from pursuing their goals. So rather than beating myself up for having those thoughts, I am working on acknowledging the thoughts and then living my life, anyway.